'Hazel" is a sixth grade girl who talks incessantly and whose glasses regularly ride the lower half of her nose. She's also very motherly and sweet, hence my choice of old-fashioned pseudonym for her here. Today, Hazel was being very generous with her Tic Tacs.
Mrs.4444, would you like a Tic Tac?" she asked cheerfully, holding several of the white capsules on her outstretched palm, Jimmy and Artie eagerly taking her up on her offer.
"Thank you, but I never accept food out of the hands of middle schoolers."
"Why?" (They were all incredulous, as if turning down a free Tic Tac was akin to declining a Christmas present.
"Are you kidding me?! Just think about where middle schoolers put their fingers. I just came from lunch duty, where I saw two different kids pick their noses and eat it!"
"I pick my nose and eat it," Jimmie offered cheerfully.
"Please!" I exclaimed, "I do not want to know that!"
"I don't do it at school," he explained. "I only do it at home."
"Well, you have that going for you," I admitted.
"I don't pick my nose and eat it," promised Hazel, still holding her hand out.
"Congratulations, but when is the last time you washed your hands today? And used soap, for more than two seconds?"
She chirped proudly, "I wash my hands every night before I go to bed and every morning when I wake up!"
"Nice. How many times did you go to the bathroom today? Did you wash your hands afterwards?"
"No, but I didn't get my hands dirty!"
What do you bet the Tic Tacs are her toothbrush?