Heard in the Classroom: I Don't Make This Stuff Up, Believe It or Not

I thought I'd kick off the new year with some humorous tidbits from school. I've been collecting these for a couple of months. 

***

"This is really fun," smiled the amused boy, using a voice recorder app on a four year old iPod Touch to record himself reciting some sight words for spelling and vocabulary. 

"What do you like about it?" I asked, to which he replied, "It's like ancient!" 

He grinned, and added for explanation, "I have an iPhone."

***

"What's 'punctuation?'" asked the sixth grader (sincerely) after being asked for the fortieth time this week to put some of it at the end of his sentences. And with that, I gave up for the week.

***

"Mrs.4444, how do you spell TV?" [Yes, he was serious, and no; he is not the same child who asked the previous question.

***

"Hey! I'm getting wood!" exclaimed the 6th grade boy behind me.

(I knew better than to turn around.) 

"What are you talking about?" I cautiously asked and was thrilled to hear the reply: "Minecraft." 
(He was playing during his recess.)

***

Why do I have to do the work I missed?" Connor whined sincerely. "It's in the past; what's the point?!"

***

In science, students had been learning about the digestive tract. The order of the parts students had (hopefully) learned so far was mouth, esophagus, stomach, small intestine, large intestine, rectum, anus (Yes, I can say them now without laughing.) I was working with a student to practice for his quiz. 

"...large intestine?"

"Yes; that's great! What's after that?"

"Rectum?"

"Yes! And what comes after the rectum?"

"The toilet?"

Well, he was kind of right...

***

I have a great number of students this year who suffer with Attention Deficit Syndrome. All day long, I feel like I am herding cats; just when I hook one, another one (or two) wanders off (physically or just inside his/her head). Now that the Christmas distraction has passed, I'm hoping my students can stay a little better-focused. However, given the temperatures of late (below zero, which means inside for recess), it could be tough; I'm hoping we don't go stir crazy, which Wikipedia states is a condition describing "a prisoner who became mentally unbalanced because of prolonged incarceration." Eleven weeks until Spring Break; I wonder if I can get someone to shorten that for good behavior (mine, or that of the inmates)?