Thursday, October 25, 2007

I have today off (hooray for Teacher Convention!), and I'm trying to get psyched up to clean the house. I've developed a little fantasy in which I sit at the keyboard and use my new invention, "Click-and-Clean" to tidy up the house, sort of Sims Style. Click on the toilet bowl, and it transforms into a sparkling receptacle clean enough to drink out of! Click and drag each item of clothing to its respective owner's dresser, the laundry pile, or closet. Scroll through a list of cleaning tools (broom, mop, vacuum) to apply to the kitchen floor faster than you can say, "Dust Bunny!" My heart sings as I maneuver my Mouse, effortlessly erasing dust from every horizontal surface in the house; hitting every table, shelf, counter, baseboard, and windowsill in the time it takes to drink a cup of coffee! No longer would I need to waste time in the laundry room; Bleach Pen, an amazing advance? Ridiculous! My invention would render the Stain Stick (not to mention laundry soap and fabric softener) obsolete! A simple click would brighten any item of clothing and render it instantly stink/stain-free.

Of course, this would also naturally lead to "Click-and-Shop," an application in which I would purchase groceries, placing them in an 0n-line cart. Already exists, you say? Not my version, which would take it a step further, allowing me to cyber-drag the cart directly to my house (no car needed) and instantly click the items into the refrigerator, pantry, or closet. Imagine the savings in gas alone! Not to be left out, my husband could mow the lawn (and erase the fallen leaves with NO allergic results) at 10:30 at night and still have time to hear Dave Letterman's monologue. (He could blow the snow off the driveway in a snap, too, but I think he enjoys that too much to let it go just yet.)

Now that my coffee has kicked in and I am lucid in thought, I have to admit that these inventions of mine would not really be good. Who would praise me for my clean house, knowing that it was all done effortlessly? How would I replace the satisfaction I get for removing a stubborn stain, sorting socks, or handing a lovingly-ironed shirt to The Boy? How would my children develop character and self-confidence without having to empty the dishwasher, take out the garbage, or scoop the cat poop? Where would Mr. 4444 go to philosophize and work out the world's problems if he couldn't mow the lawn?

It would be impossible to fill up the extra time I would gain by reducing my chore commitments to ten minutes per day! What would I do with myself?! Plus, I'm sure I would miss standing in checkout lines, tripping over shoes in our entryway, pumping gas, pushing squeaky carts, and the door dings I collect in the mall parking lot. No, Click-and-Clean and Click-and-Shop are not good ideas. I will have to sacrifice (as usual) for my family and let these ideas die before they grow into cultural killers and destroy my family. I'm going to have to save dust bunny at a time....


  1. Teacher conventions rock ... we have one coming up in a couple of weeks. Unfortunately I won't be able to stay home BUT it'll still be nice to be away from the kids for a day and be surrounded by adults for once!

  2. From Mary:
    Barb, I enjoyed your house cleaning fantasy, perhaps more than I should have. Lord knows a little magic in that department is greatly needed around our place.
    Now that we have 3 pets to take care of, keeping the place looking like new,or even close, seems impossible. Thank God for having company on occasion...... That whips us up into a brief frenzy of housekeeping activity. (Am I the only one who does this??) Roger recently complained about how his one inside job (kitchen floor
    cleaning) is never done, and I'm thinking "Welcome to my world of the past 40 years!!!!!" Thanks for the great thoughts on the mattter!


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