I am cheap about some things. I don't like to pay money for stuff I can do myself. So...when I finally caved to my hairdresser's suggestion and had my eyebrows waxed, I was appalled to learn that it cost $12. Twelve dollars for four minutes worth of work?! That's $180 per hour, people!
So, of course, I bought my own waxing kit a few weeks later. How hard could it be? Smear a little sticky stuff under your eyebrow and then do the mutilation yourself. I heated the wax, applied a little under my left brow, applied a little pressure to the "dressing," and prepared to wince. Voila!
Did I say "Voila?" I meant SHIT! Low and behold, I had cleanly ripped the outside half of my eyebrow OFF! That's when I spewed a few more expletives and tried to figure out what to do with the other brow! I had half an eyebrow on the left side and a caterpillar on the right. I couldn't leave that one hanging, so I learned from my mistake and did not press the wax up into my brow this time. The result was fairly decent, so I grabbed an eyebrow pencil and drew in the rest of my left eyebrow. Not bad. It'll grow, I figured.
The next day, I went to work, and it was an hour or so before I looked at myself in a bathroom mirror and realized that I had forgotten to draw on the rest of my left eyebrow after my shower that morning! What to do?! What to do?!
Desperate, I ran back to my classroom and dug through my desk drawers, hopeful for an eyebrow pencil. Of course, I did not have one, but I had a flash of genius. I grabbed a brown Crayola washable marker, raced back to the restroom, and carefully swept the marker across the blank spot. (Gives new meaning to the words, "Self Portrait," doesn't it?)
For future reference, brown Crayola markers, when applied to dry, pasty-white skin, do not leave a nice, brown line. Instead, they leave a nice, orange tint! And that "washable" part? Not as washable as you might think. I was a walking cartoon character, and there was no denying it.
The funny thing was, not a single person noticed my orange eyebrow that day. I eventually pointed it out to a friend, and we laughed until we cried.
Thanks, Because I Said So, for the inspiration for this post. As for your request for advice on waxing the "nether regions," that's another post in and of itself. (I think I'll call it, "Scream.")