Ryan is one of the laziest middle schoolers I know. He spends more time and effort avoiding work than it would take to just do it. If Ryan were an animal, he would be a sloth, albeit a cheerful one. Laziness is one thing when it only affects the student. It's a far other thing when it effects my olfactory glands; Ryan has a hygiene problem. He rarely brushes his teeth and has an odor that is so unique, I can't name it. Let's just say it makes me come close to throwing up.
Yesterday, Ryan smelled so bad that I called his mom to "complain." The annoyance in her voice was plain, "Again?! He's always saying he took a shower, but of course, he's done in 5 minutes! I'll get him on it tonight."
This morning during homeroom, I barely noticed Ryan when he came into my classroom to grab his stuff for his homeroom and 1st hour. After he left, a student approached me and quietly said, "I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but Ryan smells really bad today!"
Now, knowing how bad he smelled yesterday, I felt no need to confirm the stench and sent an email to the school nurse, the school counselor, and the 8th grade aide, "What are we going to do about Ryan?! He reeks again today!!"
The school nurse very wisely suggested that we call the parent and ask her to come get Ryan and take him home to bathe. Thankfully, she made the call, and the mom said she would come. Meanwhile, the School Counselor said she would have a little talk with Ryan about the importance of hygiene. The aide (poor thing) resigned herself to toughing out a morning of supervising Ryan (he was in in-school suspension for an un-related matter.)
Thirty minutes later, I had finished some errands and prepared to take some work down to Ryan. As much as I hated to, I figured I would also confirm the stench. When I arrived in the Student Center, however, both the counselor and the aide approached me and said, "I don't smell anything!?" Okay.....
I walked over to Ryan (mentally wincing in preparation) and said hello as I processed his appearance: obviously clean hair, bright eyes, etc. and no offensive odors). He responded, "Mrs.4444, why did you call my mom?"
"Because I had heard that you did not smell very good in homeroom this morning."
He leaned towards me and said, in a whisper (embarrassed),
"That's because I farted."
3.5 days and counting...