You know how sometimes when you are talking to someone, you can tell they are really not listening to you but are instead very distracted by something else about you, like your earrings, or your freckles, or the hair growing out of your nose? Their face might be pointed in your direction, but you know you really don't have their attention. (Hold that thought; it will come into play later.)
And you know how sometimes when you are having a conversation with someone, you notice them looking at a particular feature of yours, like your third eyebrow, or the toothpaste dried in the corner of your mouth, or the huge zit on your nose, and you know they are thinking, "Holy CRAP!" but neither of you says anything about it? That's social skills in action. (You need to know that for this post.)
We were in a meeting at school; myself, a parent, his 6th grade daughter, Kelly, Principal Awesome, a regular education teacher, and a specialist whom I will call Mrs. Nice.
It was this child's IEP meeting. IEP meetings are held annually to discuss the child's progress toward annual academic and/or behavioral goals created the previous year, among other things. As stated in previous posts, Kelly had issues that were mainly centered around organization and social skills (the lack thereof), not to mention ADHD (medicated.) That said, she was a cutie pie; innocent and oblivious to her [low] social standing in school, and charming, in an odd kind of way.
We had discussed organization and the fact that Kelly had made some progress but had a long way to go. We discussed personal hygiene and set up a plan for her to brush her teeth and hair when she arrived at school each morning. We addressed the fact that she needed to look in the mirror after lunch (and change her food-covered shirt, if necessary). (Hey, I told you she had issues.) Kelly was doing pretty well in the meeting, especially considering it was after a long day of school and had gone on for almost an hour now; she was only a little fidgety and was mostly paying attention. Finally, I brought up the subject of socialization skills. Kelly inquired, "What are those?"
Mrs. Nice replied, "What an excellent question! Social skills are...."
and right in the middle of her sentence, Kelly (who is looking directly at Mrs. Nice) cuts her off with a very loud,
"Is that a fake tooth?!"
And, God bless her, Mrs. Nice (who is momentarily mortified but recovers) replies, "Yes, it is," and then continues what she had been saying.
Not surprisingly, Mrs. Nice did not take the opportunity to call Kelly out on her rude behavior. She was too embarrassed, understandably. (I took care of that, later.)
Mrs. Nice is too nice that would have been a perfect opportunity to call her on and teach her a lesson. I hope Kelly continues to make progress. Have a wonderful Monday.
ReplyDeleteI probably would have used it as a prime example myself.
ReplyDeleteJust curious, why don't the parents make their daughter brush her teeth and hair BEFORE she goes to school...?
Mrs Nice was probably nice,....but missing a teaching opportunity like that...even at your own expense/embarrassment really can't be excused.
ReplyDeleteas a mom of 2 with social skill deficits (to put it nicely) I'd be yanking a knot in them and pointing out that this sort of behavior is EXACTLY what we're talking about.
Krystal....about 80% (IMO) of teaching social skills relies on the parents consistently and repeatedly modeling/demanding appropriate behavior...unfortunately, this takes a LOT of time and energy and not all parents are able to do it.
For the record, this is not a current student. MM is right on; the parent was a single parent who had more than one child with disabilities and inadequate parenting skills; the current plan just wasn't working.
ReplyDeleteI don't know for sure, but I'd bet money that Mrs. Nice also confronted the student, privately, once she had recovered. She would never miss an opportunity to use such a teachable moment.
It would have been so hard not to laugh!
ReplyDelete" Yes IT IS and all the better to bite you with my dear!!!"
ReplyDeleteYour job must be challenging. To have to interact and adjust to each individuals levels.
Hats off to ya.
I was one of those kids whose mind wandered so far from where I was, I'm shocked sometimes that I ever passed an exam :)
ReplyDeleteYou asked about the font size on my blog and it's almost exactly the same size as yours, just a different style font. In the template I have I'm using the "normal" text size because I thought the "large" was too big. I'll work on it :) I should change out my template, it's been too long. This might be just what I needed.
You gotta love kids that have no social skills. Older people act just like little kids as well.
ReplyDeleteOh. My. Never a dull moment at IEP mtgs. My kids are so young that they rarely are even there.
ReplyDeleteMrs. Nice sounds EXTREMELY nice! And far more patient than I could ever be.
ReplyDeleteDo you work in special education? My mother is an inclusion autism specialist (pre-K to 3rd grade), so I am very familiar with IEPs!
~Elizabeth
Confessions From A Working Mom
I don't miss IEP meetings at all!
ReplyDeleteGod bless and have a glorious day!!!
OH poor miss nice =)
ReplyDeleteI am glad that there are people who are willing to teach all children no matter what.
I feel for ya. Thankfully I'm pretty sure our social will be higher than that by sixth grade, but I can totally picture it. Oh poor Mrs. Nice.
ReplyDeleteBut ummm dumb question - don't the parents help her out here, too? Is it really on the school to suggest to her that she brushes her hair in the morning?
At least it wasn't something she mortified you with though, right?
LOL Out of the mouths of babes and hurrah for Mrs. Nice on her recovery. It takes someone pretty special to respond the way she did.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you all!!
ReplyDeleteI just don't know how you do it, seriously. Having one child like this is EXHAUSTING. I have so much respect & admiration for you.
ReplyDeletePoor Mrs. Nice. She recovered nicely though. You both do a great job!
ReplyDeleteHurrah for Mrs. Nice. Remember this was a group meeting and a parent was there. I think it was right of Mrs. Nice to let this comment slide and not embarrass Kelly in front of other adults.
ReplyDeletePS. My eldest son has academic and behavioral issues and also has an IEP. His teachers are awesome.
Well, sometimes those things happen, right? LOL My son is having his IEP changed in about 5 months, when he turns 3 and I am not looking forward to it at all! I am so used to the specialist and speech therapist coming to the home, I dunno what to do?! any suggestions!?
ReplyDeleteGod bless 'em, those little darlins who struggle with social skills. Most kids learn filtering on their own, through guidance and practice, but for other kids the whole social process is sheer mystification. Glad you and the team are working together to help out this kiddo (and all the others you work on behalf of); even those with parents at home who have the skills to help the kids need help during the hours at school as well.
ReplyDeleteGod bless 'em, those little darlins who struggle with social skills. Most kids learn filtering on their own, through guidance and practice, but for other kids the whole social process is sheer mystification. Glad you and the team are working together to help out this kiddo (and all the others you work on behalf of); even those with parents at home who have the skills to help the kids need help during the hours at school as well.
ReplyDelete