Monday, March 29, 2010

The Vigilant Wives Club

Brianna, at Real Life Mom has started a crusade to strengthen marriages. She calls it The Vigilant Wives Club, and I have joined.

While I often sing Mr.4444's praises, and while I do tell him I love him often, I don't often think consciously about what I do to strengthen or hinder our relationship. Just because we've been married 20 years doesn't mean I should get overly comfortable. I've decided that participating in The Vigilant Wives Club is a good way to become more conscious about my marriage, and thereby strengthen it.

As a first step, I took stock of what I've done for Mr.4444 lately that shows him that our marriage is a treasure to me. Here's what I came up with:

*I got up in the middle of the night last night to let the danged dog out, instead of pretending not to hear him.

*I saved some chicken for him today when I made lunch for the kids (he was gone) and made him a sandwich when he came home (starving) and asked me if I would.

*I offered to make a new pot of coffee for him when I took the last cup of the first one. (I know; Mother Theresa would be impressed.)

*I offered to ride with him to Tinytown when he agreed to run an errand for Kyle, even though I was tired and feeling quite lazy. (He happily accepted.)

*I made supper tonight. (Okay, so it was frozen fish and macaroni and cheese, but he was very appreciative.)

So, yeah, little things that don't mean a lot in and of themselves, but at least I know I'm not totally ignoring him.

Then, I decided to take stock of things I've done lately that could be hurtful to our marriage over time:

*I declined to take a walk with Mr.4444 when he offered, choosing instead to keep playing on the computer. (In my defense, it was 30 degrees outside.)

*I forgot to put his GPS back in his truck when I borrowed it yesterday. (He's probably signing the divorce papers now.)

*I discounted some of his opinions in a recent "family meeting" about an important decision we are making, implying that he didn't know what he was talking about. (Yeah, my Wife of the Year Award is slipping through my fingers...)

I really don't like putting this stuff out here like this, but I feel it's important. And yes, I realize these behaviors aren't all that horrible, when you consider what I could be doing, but I believe that, over time, getting too comfortable with one's marriage can open a crack that could lead to a chasm.

So, today, as a member of The Vigilant Wives Club, I am making a commitment to consciously take some steps (starting now) to show my husband that he is a treasure to me. I'm not sure what those steps are yet. I'll keep you posted...

P.S. Thanks, Cobi, for leading me to Brianna's page:)


  1. oh dear. The only good thing I could think of was I didn't feel the urge to kill him today. Looks like I have some work to do.

  2. What a great idea! I've been married for 25 years, and I have to admit, I take my husband for granted an awful lot!

  3. You are wise to constantly guard your marriage and seek to be proactive in showing your husband what a treasure he is to you. Discounting his opinion in the family meeting was probably the single most hurtful thing mentioned here. Husband's egos are very fragile, especially when they perceive their wife does not respect them or their opinion. I always have to watch what I say to Gerard and be careful not to roll my eyes if he says or does something stupid.

    I do try to go on walks with him and tear myself away from the computer. I remind myself that if I died tomorrow, what would I regret most--not spending more time on the computer or not spending more time with my husband? Husband always wins!

    I'm heading over the the Vigilant Wives Club now.

  4. Thank you!! I am so happy you've joined in. SOOO encouraged by your intentionality. And I love the idea of thinking through what I've done/do to hinder the honor I need to show him.

  5. I think this is wonderful. So much better to join a club that enhances marriages and encourages strengthening the relationship instead of making fun of what is so important. I like that you write in this post some things that you did that you feel were ways that you showed your husband how he is important and you also included some things you know were not so good. Being honest and deciding to work on doing more to show he is important is admirable. Good for you.

  6. Love this! It really is the LITTLE things that can hurt or strengthen a marriage. Those little things - made one decision at a time - add up to big things.

    I like how you contrasted ways that you showed your husband that he is a priority alongside the things you did that weren't so great - again, maybe little things, but they really do add up. I really appreciated your honesty in what you shared.

  7. Good for you! I too appreciate your honesty. Best wishes on your challenge.

  8. 30 DEGREES????? I don't think you lose points for that one.

  9. Way to go, Mrs. 4444's. Being a supportive wife is absolutely a choice. Now I'm going to make his side of the bed.

  10. This is probably something I need to join, after a not-so-swell weekend with my husband.

  11. I think that is a wonderful and admirable idea - I especially love that it's all on you and not relying on him to do something different or change or counting what he has or hasn't done. Very nice.

  12. I think that is awesome!

    Have you ever read the book Created to Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl?
    This book goes very similar to your post!

  13. Your "non supportive". Issues are fine. You have a rounded relationship. No marriage is perfect. Never expect it to be. And if you think it is. You're both lying. A good relationship is one where each understand how you work. You can't be trained or live falsely. You're fine.

    Everyone is bored.

  14. Comfort has no place in a marriage, it takes work baby! I can see this is gonna lead to some good posts!

    God bless and have a great day!!!

  15. lol what a cute post and I am sure he can find his way without the GPS or directions he is a

  16. No marriage is perfect. What is important is that we take the time to take stock of the qualities that we fell in love with in the first place. It will help us renew the commitment that is needed to keep the marriage going.

  17. I think it is wonderful! I might have to join!

    We have "family meetings" every week. They are a great forum for us to all be able to talk about whatever we feel is important or about important things in our family. We have recently started including our 4.5 yr old, proves interesting!

  18. Thanks for the link--I love this idea. I just wrote a note with a similar theme in honor of my niece, who just got married this week.


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