Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Because I'm Just That Kind of Wife

[Warning: This post could be disturbing to some readers; it addresses a subject that some people find gross. I find it funny, but I'm a sick individual; it's your call.]

I should have known better than to think I could sleep in a little today before my appointment with the endodonstist (root canal doctor). Mr.4444 was bothering me at the butt crack of dawn...

"Will you help me?"

Seriously? Let me sleep!

A little while later...

"I could really use your help."

[I pretend to be sleeping.]

"Come on...please?  I've been up since five, and I can't do it myself."

Men!  Finally, I caved. Mr.4444 apparently did need help with his little friend, Woody.

You see, it seems that during all the yard work yesterday, Mr.4444 found a new friend. His name is Wood Tick (Woody for short). Some time during the night, Woody found Mr.4444's nice, furry belly in which to burrow and have himself a meal.  Now, I'm not complaining about the choice for the location of his banquet (between you and me, Mr.4444 can afford to lose a little in the belly area) but for some reason, Mr.4444 doesn't like blood-sucking parasites, and in the middle of the night, he unknowingly ripped Woody away from the table.

As you may know, wood ticks are not polite guests. Even the most unruly bouncer cannot intimidate a wood tick into leaving on its own.  While Mr.4444 was successful in removing Woody's body from his own, he was unsuccessful at keeping the head intact while he did so; poor Mr.4444 has the head of a wood tick lodged in his belly.

So, now, I'm off to help my husband with his...um...Woody problem.

What?! Of course I had to write a blog post first--Sheesh! (I had to have my coffee first! These things can't be rushed into, you know.)

And no, I'm not going to take pictures; that's just sick!

28 comments:

  1. Oh, we could go so many places talking about Mr. 4444's "Woody"!
    There are going to be a lot more Packers' fans down this way: a Small Town boy was taken by Green Bay in the 2nd round! "Almost" as good as Peyton going to Indianapolis...if this young man had gone to UT, it would've been as good! Unfortunately, UT didn't recruit him until the 12th hour, and he said, "thanks, but no thanks" and went to Kentucky.

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  2. I thought they were called "dear ticks" as in "Dear could you dig this out."
    But woody is good name too. Nothing like couples grooming each other for that special closeness.

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  3. Off with his head! The woody head, I mean. Oh geez.

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  4. I'm not even going to tell you what I thought the "Woody" reference meant.

    What?? You said the post could be disturbing to some readers.

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  5. Oh honey, I'm not even gonna touch that woody statement...but my head is buzzin' with comebacks!

    Dr. Oz says if ya break the head off just to leave it...it will fester out like a splinter.

    I have found that wettin' a cotton ball with rubbin' alcohol and holdin' it on the tick for a couple minutes helps the tick to let go. Just sayin'....

    God bless and smear some triple antibiotic on that sucker!

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  6. This was quite comical! I was expecting it to be a little more gross, but not so much. I've had my share of deer ticks already this year. (on the dog, the cat, the kids)

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  7. ROFL!!

    I hope Mr.4444 gets his woody problem taken care of!

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  8. HA HA HA this is just a funny little post except the part about the actual tick...GROSS I hate ticks =)

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  9. Good grief! I hope you got the woody, and all of the woody, removed from Mr. 4444!

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  10. haha I am just laughing so hard I can harldy type! awesome story!

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  11. Oh! Man I'm not gonna touch this one.....you cracked me up today and I can't wait to see the fun with some vicodin in you!

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  12. We have different woody problems over here that prevent my beauty sleep. Creaky floorboards.

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  13. I'm with you, that's good stuff. I am disappointed that there are no pictures!! Did you get Woody taken care of?

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  14. Thanks for sparing us the pictures! LOL

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  15. Lol, leave it to you Barb:) Love the story. I have had a few of those ticks lately, yuck! Lisa R.

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  16. Wood ticks losing their heads and all could be considered very gross for some people, LB. (Just ask Adrienne!)

    Trust me, I'll be checking the sheets before tucking in tonight!

    Oh, and P.S. Mr.4444 went to the doctor, just in case; he's going to live!! (just has to keep an eye on things)


    And there will be no Vicodin-induced posts over here--I puked my brains out on Saturday as a result of using it. Thankfully, I had my root canal today, and I feel terrific now!! :)

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  17. It's warm enough for ticks already? *sigh* Here's hoping you got the head out safely! :) You can write a tutorial on it next time, right?

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  18. Yeah - that made for a good smile.

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  19. I knew a girl who had a tick head infect her skin and she needed medical attention. She wrote an essay about the experience.

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  20. Of course you would want to help your husband with his woody. Did you burn it off?

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  21. LOL. This is why I do not spend time outside. :) Well, that and the heat.

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  22. Woody jokes aside, I hope he's okay. Wood Ticks, Deer Ticks. Is there a difference? Do Wood Ticks carry Lyme's disease, like deer ticks do? Is that something that needs to be watched for?

    Is he okay?

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  23. Yikes! You scared me for a sec...
    But hey - god bless you for addressing it! LOL

    Oh they do suck.... pardon the pun.

    Hope all goes well for both of you.

    LOL

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  24. Wow! I don't know what made me laugh harder, your post or the comments! Funny stuff!

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  25. I'm glad to know you have your priorities in the right order. Woody can wait, your public cannot.

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  26. I just hope the experience was as good for you as it was for him.

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  27. Wood ticks are not funny, but this post certainly was!

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  28. I have never had any experience with ticks thank goodness, but I will be sure to remember all of the helpful advice in the comment section about how to get rid of a woody. :)

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