Advice to J----, the Loser Hitting on My Daughter

Hey, college "Cassenova,"
ever heard of a thing called the Internet? 

Although you declined to give Kendall your last name when she asked, 

she was smart enough to find you in the student directory,

and then on Facebook, 

which didn't reveal much, but then she found you on Twitter.

Although you've only tweeted a handful of times (all in the past two weeks),

they revealed all she needs to know about you.

This tweet by itself might have painted you in an "artist" light.

That creativity beast that you're bragging about?

I think you need to reevaluate it;

"Do we know each other somewhere?"

is not the most creative pickup line.

You might have seemed deep with this tweet:

 but, sadly, you were also inspired to post this gem:

Seriously?  

You're not the sharpest knife in the drawer, are you?

I recommend that if you feel that smoking "reefer" is Twitter-worthy, 

you might want to learn how to spell it.

Booty hunt, huh?

Dude, you are an idiot.

Don't expect a phone call from my daughter

or any job recruiters.