Saturday, August 16, 2008

Where are you now?

I haven't been to The Pioneer Woman's site for a while; I just feel so invisible there with all the comments she gets, but I went for this recipe, which was soon in the oven (Man, I wish I could post the wonderful smell that was in my home as it cooked!) Of course, I got sucked into the genius vortex that woman creates (where does she find the time?!) and came across this post, which asks the question:

How similar is your life now to how you imagined it ten years ago? Twenty years ago? Are you exactly where you imagined you’d be? Or are you constantly asking yourself, “How did I get here?” Do you mourn the unrealized plans in your life? Or are you happy no matter what your circumstances?

Because my response to this post would have been comment number 1602 (I'm not kidding), I decided to write a post, instead.

When I was young and thought about my future, I always had this weird idea that I would not live past eighteen. I think that's because I just couldn't picture getting married and having kids, for some reason. As I got a little older, I never really looked that far into the future to make any predictions at all beyond getting my college degree. Of course, I wanted to get married, but I had no glimpses into my future as to what that would look like. I guess I just lived mostly in the present. (Plus, I was dealing with a lot of dysfunction in my life, and that kept me busy. It took me some time to work through all of my "baggage.")

I grew up on free lunch, hand-me-downs, and homemade everything. I did not have goals of wearing the big labels or carrying a $300 purse (still don't). Although I was happy, I think I just did not have high hopes for my future stability; I did not have a frame of reference for a healthy marriage, a successful career, or economic stability. Even after I had the storybook wedding, I still didn't believe I deserved such happiness; it all felt just too good to be true.

You'll laugh to know that I was so unsure of my future that when we began to think about getting pregnant, I started writing a journal for my future children. Seriously; I was afraid that I would not live long enough to raise them properly and wanted to make sure I got everything down that they might wonder about some day. (Today, that journal in MS Word is 165 pages, single-spaced.)

Looking back, I had absolutely no idea that I would grow up to marry such a wonderful man (he kind of snuck up on my me), have two amazing kids, a beautiful home, and a rewarding career. The only thing missing is the white picket fence; I am living the American Dream. It took me only a handful of years to realize that this was real; that my life is wonderful and that I deserve this life. I do not regret any of the struggles that led me to where I am today; I worked hard to overcome them, and they made me who I am. Today, I see a very bright future, with grandkids (some day) and loving family surrounding me.

I hope that you do, too.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Your 2 cents...