Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Putting Things in Perspective

Kendall missed her brother already. (We had moved him into his college dorm that morning.) Upon arriving home from a last-minute school shopping trip Monday night, she lamented,

"Aw, shoot! I wanted to show Kyle my new shoes, but then I remembered he's not home!"

I replied, "Well, Kendall, he would probably have said, 'Kendall, I really don't give a crap about your new shoes,' anyway."

"I know that, she consented. "But I still would have shown them to him anyway. I always tell him about my day. I know he doesn't care, but I just wish he was here to say he doesn't care."

I couldn't argue with that.

Another trip we took that night was to the grocery store. Over and over, I reached for (and then returned to the shelves) items I would normally keep on hand at home for Kyle. It bummed me out a little, but then I remembered that there are millions of moms out there (Weaselmomma, Molly, Wendy, Hallie, to name a handful) who go through the same experience every single time they are in a store. The big difference is that they are grieving children they will never see, hear, hold, or talk to again.

When I think about it that way, I can feel nothing but joy for my son, the new college freshman.

35 comments:

  1. Yep, on the surface they quibble, but deep down they share a bond. This I know.

    Sounds like you're slowly getting used to his absence. Slowly.

    Keep hanging in there mom.

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  2. Great post. Miss Jordan is suffering the same withdrawal symptoms. I'm always happy to see that connection in place.

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  3. Quite a perspective check. As always, a very good reminder.

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  4. It's a whole new life without my baby home. And every year when she goes off, it's hard.

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  5. Thank you for this much needed reminder.

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  6. Nicely done...thanks for this one.

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  7. She could always email him a picture of her new shoes, right? I love email! Be happy for Kyle--he's about to have the time of his life! When I lived on campus many moons ago, we just set up and once a week phone call. My parents would call 6:00 every Thursday and I'd just make sure to be in my dorm room to get the call. It worked very well.

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  8. Yep. I keep telling myself that. :)
    Happy thoughts!

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  9. Aww... hang in there! Why is is that the thing that we raise our children to step into:independence, is so very difficult when it comes right down to it?
    Blessings on your day!

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  10. I needed to hear this today...I miss my daughter every year when she leaves for college and dread my senior son's leaving next year, but you are right, they are coming back home!

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  11. Perspective is a powerful thing, for sure.

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  12. That sure puts it into perspective...wow.

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  13. Spot on perspective; as usual. I had a really difficult time when my youngest daughter left. It was the fall after my brother died. I thought exactly that..she will come home.

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  14. A little shift in perspective sure can make you thankful for what you have, huh? This was great.

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  15. Wow. You have sent chills through my body.

    The difference that you have is that Kyle left your home the way you always hoped and intended for him to do so. You can expect calls and hugs and holidays. It doesn't mean that you don't miss him though.

    I love you lady, so darn much.
    Thank you.

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  16. Whoa, that last part ripped me up and thank God your son is in school and you can call him and talk to him when your heart hurts too much.

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  17. There were times I thought my two would 'kill' each other but when push came to shove they would also kill for one another.

    The only problem now is the move furniture when they wrestle! Heeehehehe!

    God bless you sweetie, it will get easier. The come home with arms full of dirty laundry and they bring friends! :o)

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  18. I love that she just wants him to say he doesn't care. My son is a junior this year so this isn't my first go-round, but man...I cried like it was!

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  19. That perspective gives you good balance. I read about this off to college complaining and wonder. Yes it's common that we complain about stupid stuff. But really every parent should be happy that their child has made it to college. That they have made it this far. There are so many obstacles to trip them. Is college so common and expected today that's is not a big milestone?

    My nephew didn't. A car accident took him from us. I don't want to spread any sadness. I offer this as support of your good perspective.

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  20. Beautiful ... and when the first tuition bill arrives, think of it as a privilege to pay. That's what I did last year and luckily for us, we get to do that again this year!

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  21. Being a mtoher is all about adjusting. I think that's the hardest thing about the kids going back to school (or summer vacation starting) is that their schedule changes and so must mine.

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  22. I think that is really rather wonderful that Kendall is missing her brother so very much, if a little sad too. As you say, unlike others, your son is not lost, just flying the nest as he was always meant to do.

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  23. What a simple and beautiful sentiment! So very true. Just need to keep the right perspective.

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  24. So sweet that she just wanted to tell her brother! My boys certainly have never said that!
    Thanks for putting the kids leaving in perspective: I can't imagine not being able to just pick up the phone and hear one of the boy's voices. My heart and prayers go out for them...it could have been any one of us.

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  25. I know my brothers and I fought all the time but when I moved to Texas we were all so sad =(

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  26. I know my brothers and I fought all the time but when I moved to Texas we were all so sad =(

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  27. aww, I think that is cute that she is missing him!

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  28. Quite a sobering thought. Makes me so very thankful.

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  29. hm...It took severals years to learn to cook only for two... :)

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  30. Life is such an intricate tapestry of relationships and experiences.....

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  31. Wow! When you put it like that...you're right...it makes you think differently. Beautifully put as always!

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  32. I read this the day you put it up, but I didn't know what to say. I get choked up.

    Kristin - The Goat

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  33. I love the way you think and write- great perspective.

    And your daughter missing her brother like that, so sweet.

    Glad to hear that you're adjusting well. Hope your boy is enjoying his firsts too...

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  34. You are so right. Congratulations on your college freshman son and on the nice relationship your children share.

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  35. What a lovely reminder to this old crone who is missing her babies. I even miss arguing and attitude (a little). But indeed they can return and I feel for those mothers who's children have been taken forever. Blessings to you and yours Mrs. 4444's.

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