Thousand Words Thursday

A Thousand Words Thursday is brought to you be Jen, at Cheaper Than Therapy.
One of my favorite shots...1998--Our big family vacation (to Disney). The kids' favorite part? The hotel pool, of course!

Visit Cheaper Than Therapy to see plenty more TWT pics!

Wordless Wednesday

[UPDATE: Yea, Kazzy!! FINALLY, someone noticed that these are NOT my feet!! They are my husband's! Sheesh! They're like 8-feet long, for crying out loud. Kendall has been painting his toenails for many years. He prefers a different color on each toe and loves the attention he gets when he's out and about at the grocery store, Home Depot, etc. And his toes are so long, they look like fingers, so his feet attract a lot of attention. He especially loves the look on preschoolers' faces when they are standing near him in checkout lines, wondering what kind of man wears toenail polish! What kind of man? The fun kind :)]

Oops! I Did It Again!

Several years ago, I attended a conference at Brett Favre's Steakhouse for work. I had never been there before, so I had a hard time finding the restroom. I was relieved (LOL) to finally find it and rushed in to do my business and get back to the meeting. From inside my stall, I suddenly heard splashing (loud splashing), and I wondered, "Sheesh, Woman! You must really have to go! But what a weird noise." I couldn't place it. I finished up, left the stall, and headed over to where I assumed the sink area was (I hadn't given it a thought when I entered, because I had been rushing.)

Imagine my shock to see a man standing in the women's bathroom, facing the wall and peeing in a URINAL! OMG! In a split second, I decided to forgo the hand washing and high-tail it out of there before the guy turned around.

What a narrow escape! He was none the wiser, so I got off lucky on that one, as I did on Friday, when I walked into the men's room at a local (again, unfamiliar) restaurant. Thank heaven it was empty, but when am I going to learn?!

P.S. Thanks,msprimadonna for inspiring this post!

Happy Birthday to Me!

I know I wasn't going to blog today, but I figured you only get one opportunity per year to be the star of the day, so here I am. (I'll take tomorrow off, instead :)

For many years, on my birthday, Mom calls my house and leaves a message on the answering machine, singing "Happy Birthday" to me. (I think she just did it one time, out of the blue because I missed her call, but I loved it so much, she's done it every year since.) I absolutely love it; it's so sweet and makes my birthday truly special. My "big day" is never complete until I listen to my song.

I dread the birthdays after Mom is gone, so that's why I asked her to let me record her singing to me (cuz I'm just that morbid!) Mom cheerfully agreed!

Before you hear the result, I have to give you a little background. Believe it or not, when I was a little girl, I was a real chatterbox! By the age of 5, my dad had affectionately nicknamed me "Barbara Jean, The Talking Machine." So, here's my song: Happy Birthday to Me!

Thanks for the present (reading my blog; it's always a treat to have your company :)

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P.S. Have you seen or heard from Blue Violet, of A Nut in a Nutshell, lately? She seems to have dropped off the face of the planet. Please let me know if you know where she might have gone...Thanks.

Doctor's Orders

"Upper-Respiratory Infection," declares my new doctor (of Mediterranean decent, so roll your r's and articulate every "t" sound; it's important to get the full flavor of the post.)

Okay, thank you. I'll get these prescriptions filled and go home for a nap. But wait! I wonder if you might be kind enough to do me a little favor??

Yes? What is it?

Do you know what a blog is?

Hmm?

A blog. You know-- it's on the Internet; kind of like an on-line journal. People read it every day and comment?

So, it is like this 'chatting' on the Internet??

No, not exactly. But sort of. I was thinking it would be kind of funny; you know, humorous? If you could just write me a note (a "doctor's excuse"), as kind of a joke? You could take this pad of paper, and say something like, "Please excuse Mrs.4444 from blogging this weekend. She has an upper respiratory infection."

[He looks at me with eyebrows furrowed.] What do you want me to do?

Here (I put the pad in front of him.) Just write a note that says "Please excuse...."

And you want me to sign my name?

Yes. That's perfect. Thank you very much!
Can you say "Heelarrious?"

Friday Fragments

Friday Fragments are bits and pieces of your week that are usually brief; too short for a stand-alone post, but too good to discard. Collect humorous observations, "Heard" items, and other small gems and put them together in a Friday Fragments post. Then leave a link to your Friday Fragments post with Mr.Linky (below) and link back to me in your post (please). [For more details on FF posts, click the button above.]

***It was a tough decision this week, but my Favorite Friday Fragmenter Award goes to Semi-Slacker Mom, who posted this gem:

Sassy & I were discussing Baby Girl's new favorite song, Jesus Loves the Little Children. She understood the black & white part but the red & yellow part confused her. I explained that the yellow represented Asian children, which she is familiar with. Before I could tell her about Native Americans, she says "And red is for rednecks"! Yeah, we don't get out much.

Take this and wear it proudly, SSM!***Dear Shopko Express Employee,
I am really sick; I am swallowing razor blades here, and I really needed those meds I bought tonight. You checked me out with a smile on your face, and now I understand why. I walked out, got to my car, realized I forgot the little Vicks thingy, and tried to walk back in, only to find that you had locked the door behind me, five minutes before closing time. When I finally got your attention to open the door again, you said, "I'm sorry, we're closed now."

"It's 8:57. You're closing early?"

"Well, I have everything shut down now, so yes, we're closed."

You pissed off the wrong person, Lady. I hope your supervisor chews you a new one tomorrow, because you deserve it. (And she was on my side when I called her.)

***FYI, these Cepacol cough drops?Hands down, absolute nastiest cough drop I have ever almost-eaten in my life. Seriously; tastes just like poison. I suffered through half of it and had to spit it out. Thought I'd warn you (though I hope you don't need any!)

***Mr.4444 makes wonderful "Camp Beans," with bacon, red and green peppers, garlic, etc. They are very soothing on a sore throat, I learned tonight. After I had snarfed a bowl's worth, (I didn't have much of a dinner and got home at 8pm from a conference) I said,

"Wait. These are going to make me fart tomorrow at work, aren't they?"

He assured me, "No. I took all of the farts out."

Greaaaat.

****There are many, many touching, funny, entertaining fragments just waiting to be explored. Why not leave your Friday Fragments link here and visit a few other fragmenters? It's always worth the trip :) [Sorry, non FF posts will be deleted.]

Guess What This Is....

Do you think it was designed by a man or a woman?

Give up?








Hey, I told you this is a Rated PG-13 blog! Get your mind out of the gutter; it's a battery-operated cork remover, of course! (Isn't it obvious?!)

For more pictures that "say a thousand words," visit Jen's blog, Cheaper Than Therapy.

Good Reads (Blog Style)

I've been collecting some favorites posts as I come across them, saving them in a draft for a rainy day. Today, it rained. (And I'm coming down with something and need to go to BED!) Enjoy these brilliant posts from fellow bloggers....

Wasted Days and Sleepless Nights (long but very funny!) That Gladys is quite the storyteller!

Martini Mom-Most everything she writes is brilliant. I'm sure you'll find something.

Candid Carrie wrote about an experience we can all relate to (well, women, anyway); mammogram results. She also made me laugh HARD in this post, about her pelvic exam. That woman is hilarious!

Flatulence Fib, by One Impulsive Addict had me laughing til I cried; she is my new favorite blogger. And if you like "laughing gas," read my OMG post, too.

Off to bed now! G-Night.

Another Sweet Memory

Remember when your parents used to embarrass the heck out of you? When we were in grade school, Mom always made popcorn balls for Halloween. But she didn't stop there; oh no! Every year, without fail, she dressed up in one of her many ridiculous costumes and delivered the popcorn balls to our classrooms personally. As the morning wore on and the "big moment" approached, my stomach would begin to ache with anxiety. What kind of crazy get-up would she come in this time? What would my classmates think?!

Mom always arrived with a dramatic entrance, singing a "scary" song with great enthusiasm, and dramatic flare, while I crawled under my desk in embarrassment. By the end of her visit, though, I would invariably be sitting up proudly; the other kids impressed by a mother who cared enough to take the time to make the delicious treat and deliver it in such an entertaining manner.

"Your mom is so cool." Munch, munch, munch.

"I know!" Munch, munch, munch.

Nowadays, such homemade treats are frowned upon by Trick-or-Treaters' parents, but we enjoy making caramel corn for our special little goblin friends (or just for the heck of it.) Tonight was one of those "just for the heck of it" nights.

Head over to Mrs.4444 Cooks for the recipe (along with enthusiastic commentary and dramatic flare.)

That Man of Mine

Jill Jill Bo Bill and Georgie each posted the Husband Meme, and I've decided to follow suit....

1. What is something your husband always says to you?

That's easy; "I love you."

2. What makes your husband happy?

Sorry; this blog is rated PG.

Just kidding; the thing that makes him happiest is seeing the kids and me happy, and he does what he can to impact that (making dinner, giving us back/foot/shoulder rubs, listening attentively, etc.)

3. What makes your husband sad?

Feeling powerless over some people's choices in life. When he thinks about calling his Grandma 4444 and remembers that he can't (she passed away in 2002).

4. How old is your husband?

46 years young

5. What was your husband like in high school?

Gregarious, good looking, outgoing, athletic, everyone's friend (Well, that's what he tells me, anyway...)

6. How tall is your husband?

6' 1"

7. What is your husband's favorite thing to do?

Cook dinner for company, hang with the family, fish,.

8. What does your hubby do when you're not around?

Pine for me, mostly.

9. If your husband becomes famous, what will it be for?

Saving someone's life, probably; he's handy like that.

10. What is your husband really good at?

Being a dad, cooking, driving, all things science and nature, fixing things around the house, being loyal, entertaining, loving and appreciating me.

11. What is your husband not really good at?

Being patient sometimes. Remembering that he is ultimately powerless.

12. What does your husband do for a job?

He sells factory automation; palletizers and robots

13. What is your husband's favorite food?

Of late, he insists that my chicken spaghetti is his favorite food ever. He also likes lobster. And Jack Daniels (kind like food, only watery)

14. What makes you proud of your husband?

How well he provides for our family (He's a hard worker.) The kind of father he is (a kid could not ask for a better dad, seriously.)

15. If your husband were a cartoon character, which would he be?

Oooh. That's a tough one. People don't really watch cartoons anymore, do they? Let's go with characters in general: Buzz Lightyear, Jerry Lewis, or Elf

As I wrapped this post up, Mr.4444 asked, "Watcha doin'?"

I told him, and he asked, "How many times did you say, 'Incredibly sexy?'"

How could I have forgotten his best trait? (Sense of humor, my friends! Remember, this is a Rated PG blog!!)

Weekly Winners: Relay Recap

I was blown away to learn that our community raised approximately $60,000 for this Relay for Life Event. That's incredible, and I look forward to joining in again next year.

You've probably heard of Locks of Love. I was very intrigued by the bravery of people willing to walk up to a hair stylist they've never met and say, "Go ahead, and take 8 to 10 inches off. Whatever you want to do is fine."

Here's my co-worker, Jane, looking to help those with cancer and get a new look for spring.After
I did not know this woman, but the stylist asked me to take the before/after pics for them.
After...
For the next shot, I said (with a smile), "Okay, now look like you're happy!" Here is the result:
And here was a first for me; the "Frozen T-Shirt Contest." What in the world?? Ten kids each bought a frozen t-shirt. First one to put his/her shirt on would win $50!
They were frozen solid and even had ice on them!
Strategies abounded:

The Thigh Roll and Belly-Push...
The Grip-and-Pull...
The Under-the-Shirt method....
The Freeze-Your-Armpit attempt...
The Not-So-Rated-G method...(Yes, he had it up his shorts, but only for a brief time; I wonder why??)
Many used their teeth...(this gave me chills and made me worry about potential trips to the dentist.)
Making some progress....
Check out the sweat this poor kid worked up!
Here's the Step-and-Pull method...
After about thirty minutes (yes, 30!)....

These kids were persistent! (Let's hope they attack their homework with the same zest!) One could never call them lazy!)
Neck and neck!
Ah, victory!Not bad, for 30 minutes-worth of work!

For more Weekly Winners, visit Sarcastic Mom.

New Kids

Have you ever been the "new kid on the block?" In my recent blog travels, I've happened upon some "new kid" bloggers and figured I would introduce you to them, because they have a lot to offer and would probably love to meet you :)

Gertrude, at Abstract Arboretum, wrote a funny post about a conversation with her teenage son. Think you know what a mandate is? Find out for sure on Pea Pie.

Grace, at Doing the Math, Counting My Blessings has been blogging since January. She is kind, compassionate, and full of love.

Bee and Rose has been blogging since January. Here's an excerpt from her blog, on which she shares her journey dealing with I started to cry…you know, one of those big ugly cries. "My darling daughter asked me why I was sad. I hugged her close, but was unable to speak. She cupped my face in her 6 yr old hands and said, "You should go make people laugh on your blog, Mommy. Laughing always makes me feel better." So sweet!

Welcome to the neighborhood, ladies!

I'm at the Relay for Life event at my school today. Thanks to everyone who helped me reach and exceed my fundraising goal:

Cousin Margaret
Jeni
Cousin Derek
Kandee
Jana
Dwan
Jennifer
Sandra
Meno
Rolean
Jacque
Grandma4444
Dawn
Rolean

And thanks to each of you who have donated to this and other charities in your area. Every little bit counts!!

Friday Fragments

So many fragments, so little time. That's why, if you write them down and save them all for a Friday Fragments post, you will find it very satisfying. Welcome to Friday Fragments, the home for those tidbits from your week that entertained you, puzzled you, or just made you happy.
[If you'd like to write your own FF post (SO easy and fun!), click on the button above to learn more.]

***If you missed my Favorite Friday Fragmenters from last week, you can find them here.

***The American Cancer Society's Relay for Life is tomorrow!!! I hope I make it around the track at least a couple of times! :)

***Feeling low and uninspired? Heart a little on the numb side lately? Watch this video, see the YouTube link, and feel your heart fill up. Thank you, Karen, for posting Why You Should Never Judge a Book by It's Cover.

***Bee and Rose is celebrating a milestone in blogging (100 days) with 20 prizes in the Mother of All Giveaways! The deadline for the contest is April 15th. What are you waiting for?! Go enter!!

***In case you haven't seen it, check out my collection of buttons at the bottom of my page; doesn't it look great?! (Let me know if yours is missing!)

***My husband posted this status update on Facebook last weekend, as Kendall's sleepover was wrapping up:

My now-14-year-old daughter (Kendall) has 12 friends sleep over to celebrate her b-day. Oh the drama, damn the volume, thank God their parents picked them up on time. This morning was like Halloween in reverse ... the door would ring and one more kid would leave ... a real treat.

He's the real treat, I tell you. I love, love, love that man of mine.

Your turn! In case you missed it, Mr. Linky is here for Friday Fragments posts only.

The Tale of the Cumbersome Corset

"Beauty must suffer," Mom always said whenever we complained about having our hair brushed, braided, or otherwise wrangled. Compared to what many women had to use to beautify themselves "back in the day," today's eyelash curlers, bras, and Spanx seem pretty minor. Grandma 4444 (Pat) has a great story that goes back to the days of corsets, and I knew this was the perfect place to share it, so here goes.

Back in the mid-1950's, corsets were a thing of the past; the "Roaring 20's" had put an end to that torture device, but not for some grandmas who had grown up considering them a necessary evil. Pat was just 19 the time she was invited for a night of partying at Grandma Lark's house. Being a relatively young girl, newly-engaged, in a family she was still trying to make an impression on, she didn't "tie one on" as much as some of the older family members did that night. Before long, old Grandma Lark was ready for bed. By virtue of her status, Pat was designated the tucker-inner, so she dutifully followed wobbly Grandma to her bedroom. Helping her remove her clothing, Pat was stymied by the corset, and tipsy Grandma Lark was no help. How to get it off? Several minutes and plenty of sweat later, Pat finally finished the chore to the sound of those downstairs calling to her, "Patsy! What the hell is taking you so long?!" (They were a "voistrous" bunch, those Larks!) She carefully set the corset on a chair and headed downstairs.

"Did you fall asleep with her?! Where have you been all this time?" inquired the remaining partiers.

Pat explained that it had taken her a while to get the corset off; it had taken forever to get the laces undone!

A chorus of laughter erupted before she had barely gotten the words out. Pat had no idea why they were laughing so hard. Chalking it up to the alcohol, she dismissed it. The next day, when she returned to Grandma Lark's house, the reason for the laughter became clear.

"What in the world did you do with my corset?!" Grandma Lark asked, with a tone of puzzled (yet gentle) annoyance. "It's taken me years to get those laces just right. Why didn't you just unhook it?!

Unhook it?

Who knew that removing the contraption would have been quick work, had Pat only noticed the row of hooks and eyes along the side seam, rather than tackling the stubborn laces?! Fortunately, Grandma Lark was a loving person and didn't hold it against Pat. However, that didn't keep her and the rest of the family from telling the story again and again for years to come.

Today, Grandma Pat shares the memory with a smile, and the rest of us smile with her, because we know that she doesn't wear a corset (and Spanx need only be rolled down!!)

P.S. It must run in the blood, for Grandma Lark's daughter, Grandma Florence 4444, was also involved in a famous undergarment story, which will be passed down for generations. Click on Are There Are Panty Hose in Heaven? to read more.

P.P.S. And I challenge you to say "Cumbersome Corset" three times, fast. Good luck!

Almost-Wordless Wednesday

Yesterday...Today...Who knew the kid had ears?!

Look What I Can Do!

We've taken a lot of photos in the past week, and I'm happy we have, because I got to play around again with Photostory 3 again. I am NOT saying this as part of a review or anything; I just love PhotoStory3, which I learned about at school recently. It's a free Windows Program that kicks butt on PowerPoint and Windows MovieMaker, is user-friendly and FREE.

You can whip up a photo slideshow in PhotoStory in less than 15 minutes (even quicker if you are just playing around), and you can add music (your own or from their library) or add your own audio recording. Uploading the video to my blog was simple. The only thing I don't like about it is choosing the music; it's just hard for me to decide what to pick, so forgive me, in advance, if you hate this track (just turn off your volume if you like.) If you're an audiophile, you will love the possibilities! Here's just a sample of what you can do with PhotoStory....

Oh, and I've told you how to make the video, but getting your teenage son to stop acting like a goofball and cooperate (after too many photos) is up to you :)
Here's hoping your Easter was as happy as ours...

Still Hungry?

I hope you all had a wonderful Easter. I have lots of great pics to post from my weekend, but because I'm too tired (and full), I've decided to send you to Mrs.4444 Cooks today. What? You're back on your diet? Well, you can never have too many mouth-watering, heart-clogging dip recipes, can you? Besides, you can't gain weight from just looking...

The Silent Tribute

He stood at attention, in full-dress Honor Guard uniform, with a silent salute for us (the bereaved family) as we enter the funeral home for Dad's visitation. It was April 2005. The sight of this U.S. Military soldier reverently paying his respects to a fellow veteran (one he had never even met) immediately brought fresh tears to my eyes. Throughout the visitation service, Mr. Jerabek silently "stood guard" in the foyer; a silent presence, but a powerful one. Near the end, I approached him to thank him and inquire about his presence. He replied, "It's an honor" and shared his story. I phoned him recently to hear it again.

Ken Jerabek's son, Ryan, was a local Marine who on his last leave (in 2004) had attended the funeral of another veteran with his dad. Ryan was a quiet, humble young man who had the utmost respect and reverence for his country and had joined in his family's strong tradition of military service. He asked, "Dad, this man stormed the beaches of Normandy, serving his country, fighting for its freedom. Why is it that that there is no special recognition of his service?" His dad explained that there are few Honor Guards young enough anymore (and trained) to get around to all of the veterans funerals and properly recognize their service.

"When I come home again, let's get something started," Ryan said with conviction, and his dad proudly agreed.

Sadly, 18-year-old Ryan Jerabek lost his life in Iraq on April 6, 2004, before his dream could become a reality. He was the youngest Wisconsin soldier to sacrifice his life in Iraq and the third youngest in the nation. Ken told me that in Ryan's memory, he travels the area attending the funerals of Wisconsin veterans (an average of four per week.) He wears the Arlington Dress Blues (an elite uniform) and performs the "Silent Tribute" with the utmost respect and total reverence. Because Ryan can no longer pay his respects to veterans who have passed, his dad does it for him, honoring his own son's memory at the same time. In addition, he and his wife help run the PFC Ryan Jerabek Memorial Challenge, which is the largest contributor of its kind to the Injured Marine Corp SemperFi fund, which aides wounded vets all over the United States.In his senior year at Pulaski High School, Ryan gave a speech in which he implored his fellow classmates with the following,"I'd like to ask you to thank those who fought and are fighting in the battles to keep this country at the pinnacle of freedom." He had hopes of one day returning to PHS as a history teacher. Today, Ryan's photo, along with his uniform and medals are in a place of honor in PHS's main hallway. In a tragic way, his dream has been realized.

Young men and women from all over Wisconsin and Michigan take their oath of military service in the "Military Entrance Processing Station," in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. On the 23rd of this month, in a special ceremony, this hall will be named the PFC Ryan Jerabek Memorial Hall. A plaque on the U.S.S. Green Bay also memorializes Ryan, and a documentary has been made in his memory, as well. Clearly, Ryan's legacy is strong.

Before I could thank Mr. Jerabek again for being at Dad's wake service, he thanked me, "There are many types of heroes today, but those veterans are my heroes, as is my son. I thank you for the allowing me to pay tribute to your dad."

Ryan (and Dad) would be very proud.

In Case You Missed These...My Favorites

With a record number of fellow fragmenters this week (21!), it was so tough to choose a Favorite Friday Fragment that I decided to make a post of my top faves. Enjoy!

Perplexin Texan The class took a field trip to the zoo this week. Question: Why did a parent offer to chaperon and drive with a license and vehicle that weren't his? Also, since when did the zoo become such a scandalous trip?The sad part is I'm not even the one who realized what it resembles. (He was 9.)

From Semi-Slacker Mom:

*For the life of me, I can not understand how Bo can be so smart & still not be able to wipe his own butt.

*Bo is getting into Star Wars stuff, but I believe he has a little more studying to do, as he refers to R2D2 as 1234.

April showers not only bring May flowers, but 75 percent of the planet's earthworm population out on the sidewalk. The Book Kitten

Yaya-

Random Thought Of The Week: "Linner". Why do people recognize the combined meal of breakfast and lunch as "brunch" but no one recognizes the combined meal of lunch and dinner as "linner"? Why is Linner shafted like that?

And...(also from Yaya)
Random Text of the Week (Courtesy of Jill) Wow! I just lost 4 pounds by having sex for 3 hours! That's better than boot camp!

Kori did butter me up in her FF post intro, but even if she hadn't, I would have chosen to copy this one:

**People say sea gulls are disgusting birds, but I would have to say that pigeons take the cake for me. There was another puker outside the bar the other night, and the pigeons have been rooting around for the choicest morsels. I may never eat poultry again.

Be glad you're not Amy's (Frantic Mom and More) cat: My 10 year old cat has decided that jumping on the table is OK. He has decided that drinking the water out of my floating candle votives is acceptable. The tablespoon of vinegar I am adding tonight to each one will surely surprise his taste buds tonight. I'm assuming....

Sassy-I Twittered earlier this week about how excited I was to be out on my back stoop in the sun working, and lalalalala-ed my telecommuting status, being all smug and stuff. And then a bird crapped on my head. Harumph.

Also from PT: In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.

Jo, at Blogging Under the Influence-If you have feet that smell like stinky Parmesan cheese, please for the love of God, spray them - with Lysol, bug spray, ANYTHING - before coming to me for a massage.

Georgie-To Phillip Morris--As of Sunday, I will no longer be helping you pay for your car, house, summer house, great-great-great grandchildren's college funds, or your maid...just thought you'd like to know... [Don't be afraid to go offer Georgie some support on this!]

So, it's really not a contest, and I enjoyed making the rounds today, but these fragments stood out to me today. And I just realized that I have this award, which needs passing on (Thanks again, Grace!) So Ladies....consider yourselves awarded with the Kreative Award and this one:Thanks for the laughter/inspiration!

Friday Fragments

It's Friday! Not only is it the first day of our 4-day Easter weekend (yea!), but it's time for Friday Fragments, the best way to purge yourself of those random thoughts from your week that were too good to discard but to small for stand-alone posts (double yea!) For more on Friday Fragments, please click the FF button above.

***HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KENDALL!! You are the best, sweetest, smartest, most lovable and wonderful daughter I have ever had. I'm proud to be your mom and honored that you still own me in public (thanks.)

***My Favorite Friday Fragmenter last week was Perplexin' Texan, who cracked me up with this fragment:

Sometimes I wonder what the hell I was thinking, becoming a marriage and family relationships therapist. One should never begin their morning at 10am overhearing:

Grey-haired grandma to another: "Of course, it was worse for him because she left to become a lesbian. [pause] And you can't help thinking of all that licking."

Woah...at least I can't. Perlexin Texan

PT, please accept this award for posterity's sake; you made my Friday with that one!***Reason #642 that I'm really not a fan of dogs: I stayed up til 11pm Wednesday night, baking two big chocolate chip cookie cakes (one was a flop) for Kendall's birthday party. (BTW, thank heaven for Tollhouse in a tube.) In the morning? You guessed it; the flipping dog knocked the surviving cookie cake off the counter and had it half eaten in seconds, about a minute after I had fed him his breakfast. (He is lucky to be alive.)

***How cool is my new "Home of Friday Fragments" button, made especially for me by The Mom Jen, at Cheaper Than Therapy?! (See it over in my sidebar?) Jen, you're the best! Thank you, again.

***It's not too late to enter Melissa's Suburban Scrawl Goes to NYC contest! This girl knows how to have a giveaway!***Grace (brave soul) decided to honor my SHT requirement (for accepting and passing on awards) by doing this:She preceded this with this lovely award,which I will pass on in a future post. In the meantime, I am also required to name seven things that I love, and they are: family, sleeping in, red and black licorice (is that two?), massages, Diet Coke (yes, I fell off the wagon and never caught back up), reading your blogs (I mean it!) and Easter Break. Thank you, Grace! :)

***I don't get it; why in the world would anyone follow more than a handful of people on Twitter? Wouldn't that mean that you would be spending hours reading people's tweets? And why would a perfect stranger follow me on Twitter? I'm just so puzzled about this...

Here's Mr. Linky for your linking pleasure. Please link only FF posts here (cuz it makes me feel bad to delete those that are not FF posts). And if you really love me, you will also be kind enough to mention Friday Fragments with a little linky love in your FF post, thanks. (Let me know if you need help with this :)

Have a terrific weekend!!!

One to Tell Her Future Boyfriends

In honor of Kendall's 14th birthday this week (Happy Birthday, Sweetheart!), I thought I would share this little gem from her past...

Before my most shameful parenting moment, there was some minor foreshadowing. It was the summer of 1997, and we were rushing around, getting ready for a cousin's wedding in Appleton, having spent the night in a hotel. Knowing that my "big girl," Kendall, could get herself dressed at two years old, it didn't surprise me when I turned and found her already wearing her cute little spring dress, holding her adorable white patent leather shoes in hand. Proud of my little cutie pie, I swept her into my lap, buttoned the back, and put her little ankle socks and shoes on. Then, I pulled her hair up into a sweet little barrette and surveyed the results; she couldn't have been cuter.

We managed to get out the hotel and to the church with a few minutes to spare. Mr.4444 dropped us off at the door, and we waited a moment for him to park across the street. Kyle looked so cute in his shirt and tie. Grandma, too, was decked out and looked stylish in her pastel pantsuit. The picture-perfect family, on a gorgeous summer day, we headed into the church, just as Kendall chirped in a sing-song voice, "I'm not wearing any underwear!"

What?!! I swept a hand under the skirt of her dress and confirmed the source of her Cheshire grin. She was going commando, and it was too late to run to run back to the hotel for panties!

It's a good thing they're divorced now, because I remember absolutely nothing about the wedding between Chris and Todd; I was too busy keeping an eye on Kendall, who like most two-year-olds, was crawling all over the church pew. There were a few anxious moments when my heart was in my throat, fearing that one more "veil" than necessary would be lifted that day. Thankfully, we made through the ceremony with no one the wiser.

Kendall would like me to make it clear that she wears underwear every day now, thank you very much. Plus, when it comes to underwear, I've been much more embarrassing to her than the other way around....

Happy Birthday, Kid. I love you.

Odd Boy In

In response to my post about Bobby, a parent asked for advice on her son, who is headed for a social life like Bobby's, only middle-school style. Her question reminded me of this story, so here's my answer.

I once had an 8th grade student named Lon who had an emotional/behavioral disability. As if that wasn't enough of a social stigma, he was one of the shortest kids I've met and sort of funny looking (reminded me a little of a turtle, actually.) Anyway, Lon was very, very bright. He loved to read and read and read and write (self-chosen topics, of course.) Lon was on meds to stabilize his moods, meds to help him sleep, and meds to help him wake up (they also helped him gain weight.) In short, he had a lot of issues. If friends were issues, Lon would have been the most popular guy in school. Unfortunately, he had no friends. Every lunch period, he sat alone.

Flash-forward to the middle of the school year. A colleague mentioned that Lon had said something very humorous in her classroom that day, during lunch. Disappointed to think of Lon sitting in a teacher's classroom, instead of in the lunchroom with his peers, I questioned her about it. She said, "Oh, no. It's not like that; he and his little "clique" meet in here every day."

Clique?? She told me that for some time, Lon and his friends had been wandering down to her small room off of the cafeteria hallway. That Lon had a friend was new to me, so the next time I saw him, I asked him about it. Here's what he told me [paraphrased],

"I used to go to lunch all the time and sit by myself, because no one wanted to sit with me. Then one day, I noticed a girl across the room who was also sitting by herself. She's one of those "Goth" kids, kinda, so people are afraid of her. I decided to write her a poem, so I wrote it that night and just put it on her table the next day, and ever since then, we've been hanging out."

I asked Lon what the poem was about, and he said, "Just about being different and people not accepting who you are." He told me that he and this friend asked Mrs. P if they could eat lunch in her room one day, and before long, there were 4 or 5 kids in there, eating together every day.

What Lon had done was pure genius; he looked around for someone else whom others had not befriended, and he reached out. She reached back.

Not everyone is a poet, and all kids do not get along, but maybe some kids who have "no friends" are only looking at the "popular" kids or those closest to them and need to expand their efforts at friendship. Here are a few more tips:

*Ask your child's teacher to videotape his/her behavior in a typical classroom situation, without his knowledge, if you feel comfortable with that. Ask about using such video to educate your child about his/her own behavior--Would he want to be that child's friend? Why or why not? Obviously, this could be intimidating to a child, but handled properly can be an excellent teaching tool.

*Ask the school about providing a smaller setting for a group of kids to eat lunch together. Invite a few leaders, but also reserve a few spots for special needs kids. This might help them make connections in a less-threatening environment. Our school counselors have also started offering special activities during recess (board game days, large-group games, dodge-ball, etc.)

*Read some of Michelle Garcia-Winner's materials on teaching "Social Thinking." One of the concepts I've learned from her include this, "People have thoughts about us all the time. Sometimes, they are normal thoughts that make them want to hang out with us. Sometimes, they have weird thoughts about us and don't want to hang out with us. We can control some of those thoughts through our actions." I use this philosophy currently with a female student with whom we are working on personal dress and hygiene. "Like it or not, when you don't wash your hair, it makes people have weird thoughts about you. Do you want people to have weird thoughts about you? No? Then what do you need to do?"

*Another way to help your child find friends is helping him find an after-school club to join, or signing him/her up for karate or something like that. Sometimes, too, when teachers put special-needs kids in roles with power (leading a group, for example), it draws others to them. I've also sent kids outside for recess with a new/different ball to share on the playground, first talking with them about "Expected and Unexpected" behaviors (Michelle again) when you want to gain friends.

I hope these ideas offer something promising for someone you know...

The Other "AA"

When I read Stacey's moving post at Willowjak Boys, I knew I had to lead others to her post. It touched me so much that I decided that in honor of Autism Awareness Month, rather than posting my own stuff today, I'd feature two outstanding posts from moms of children who have autism. Even if you only read one of these posts, thank you for taking the time to become aware.

On being afraid as a mom.... Fear and Misconception

MightyMom's inspiring post, 10 Blessings from Raising Special Needs Kids

If you have links to other great posts on this topic, do share; I would love to read them.