Friday Fragments, Episode #114

Hooray! It's time for Friday Fragments! time to unload all of those miscellaneous thought scraps from your week. I'm glad you're here. [First timers, learn more about FF by clicking on the FF tab in my header.]

***It's not really Friday as I type this, but since I don't have students tomorrow, it feels like one. Today was a hell of a day, with screaming, crying, spitting, shoving, head-banging, and restraint (not all the same student). Is there a full moon? I could only feel sympathy for these kids; can you imagine feeling so-out-of control?

***Florence Henderson--Isn't she inspiring on DWTS? Seventy-six years old, and she looks and dances better than many women a lot younger than she is! Bristol danced as well as a pine tree (my humble opinion) on the first night, but I think she's made excellent progress! I'm enjoying this new season.

***And speaking of new seasons, GLEE! (Need I say more?)

***My Favorite Friday Fragmenter from last week is Cyndie, of Putting the Fun in Dysfunctional, who wrote about making her son another birthday cake (the Dinosaur Dig Cake!):

It looks really easy, and Andrew will LOVE it!

Especially because the dog at the cake we had for his birthday dinner on Monday.

I thought I had put it out of her reach, but I guess I underestimated her! WOOPS

I told Andrew, "Hey, if it makes you feel any better, she ate my birthday cake, too!"

If you're a regular reader (which means you've forgiven me for not visiting lately--God BLESS you), you know why I loved that fragment. Thanks, Cyndie!!

***One of our favorite nieces is coming (from California) to visit this weekend. She and her wonderful husband will just be here two days, so we will pack in a lot of chillin' and catching up. We haven't seen them in years--I'm so excited!

***A few weeks ago, when Mr.4444 was especially missing Kyle and worrying like a typical dad, he said,
"I know you have to let them fly out of the nest, but there are a lot of hawks out there!" So sweet.  Our little bird called this week with exciting news--He got his ears pierced!  (Who knew hawks travelled with needles?!)  Kyle says the pierced ears have made him a real "chick magnet."   He also joined a fraternity (the good kind) and is attending a leadership training this weekend.  I'm not worried; he's an eagle, remember? :)

Now's your chance to unload your own fragments. Link up below and be sure to visit some old and new freinds! [Sorry--FRIDAY FRAGMENTS posts only. Others will be deleted.]

How to Really Love a Child

Yesterday, my post included a cute quote 

from a journal entry I wrote for Kyle:

4-1-99 [Age 7]
...On the homefront, you touched my heart deeply yesterday with something you said.  You called me into the bathroom to draw my attention to a plaque that we have hanging on the wall. It’s called “How to REALLY love a child,” and has some delightful ways to have fun with kids.  You said to me, “Mommy, you don’t need that.  You already know how to love a child.  You love me.  And I love you.” Melted my heart...

I Googled the title and found it here. Years later, I still absolutely love it. It completely embodies the parenting style I tried to embrace when my kids your younger...

How to Really Love a Child

Be there. Say yes as often as possible. Let
them bang on pots and pans. If they're crabby,
put them in water. If they're unlovable,
love yourself.  Realize how important it is to be
 a child. Go to a movie theater in your pajamas. 
Read books out loud with joy. Invent pleasures
together. Remember how really small they are.
Giggle a lot. Surprise them. Say no when
necessary. Teach feelings. Heal your own
inner child. Learn about parenting. Hug trees
together.  Make loving safe.  Bake a cake and
eat it with no hands.  Go find elephants and
kiss them.  Plan to build a rocket ship.  Imagine
yourself magic. Make lots of forts with
blankets. Let your angel fly. Reveal your
own dreams. Search out the positive.  Keep
the gleam in your eye. Mail letters to God.
Encourage silly. Plant licorice in your garden.
Stop yelling. Express your love.  A lot. Speak
kindly. Paint their tennis shoes. Handle with caring.

Children Are Miraculous

Don't you just love it?

Before Blogging...

Many, many years ago, before I knew about blogging, I started a journal for my then-future kids. (Yes, I was that weird, and I won't get into that here, but that journal today is 185 pages in Word.)  Anyway, tonight, I looked to that journal for blog material and found plenty.

In case you are a parent of young children, putting off that journal you'll start writing one day, this should encourage you to get on it. [I also think it would be a wonderful treasure for a grandparent to write.]

For this post, I'm only going to include quotes from Kyle's journal (the kids each have their own, with some overlapping parts, but lots of individual entries).

8-1-96  [age 4]
On the way home from the dentist, we were talking, and I asked you, “What’s your favorite body part?”    You replied, “My head.”  I thought to myself, “Oh, how clever.  Will he say he likes his brain, his smile?” I then asked, “What do you like about it?”  You responded, “I like how snot comes out of it!”  

10-7-96 [Age 4.  Pretty funny, considering Kyle is a major car freak, today, and he reads my blog, so I'm sure this will crack him up again!]

Last week when we were watching TV, you said “Dad, I bet you wish you had one of those cars!”  Your dad replied, “You bet I do!”  Moments later, you said, “I sure would like to have an ‘oatmeal-beal’”  “Huh??” I said.  Your dad said,”You mean an “Oldsmobile?”  “Yeah!” you replied.  

6-11-97 [age 5]

Today you asked me, “Mom, are there any dead animals that went to heaven?”  I said, “Yes, I think so.”  You then said, “Can you talk in heaven?”  I said that I wasn’t sure, but I thought so.  You replied, “Good, cuz I like to talk!” 

9-24-98 [age 6]
The other night, as you were preparing for bed, you said, “I think I would rather be a kid when I die.”  I asked why.  You replied, “I don’t really know what heaven would be like for grownups.”   

4-1-99 [Age 7]
On the homefront, you touched my heart deeply yesterday with something you said.  You called me into the bathroom to draw my attention to a plaque that we have hanging on the wall. It’s called “How to REALLY love a child,” and has some delightful ways to have fun with kids.  You said to me, “Mommy, you don’t need that.  You already know how to love a child.  You love me.  And I love you.” Melted my heart...

7-19-99 [Age 7]
For some reason, Kyle, I love you even more at the age you are now.  I love your enthusiasm for things, your curiosity, the way you think and reason.  You are delightful.  You are also a very good boy.  We are proud of you.  Love, Mom

7-1-02  [Age 9, After picking him up from a week at summer camp]
I am so proud of the wonderful young man you are becoming.  I will never forget seeing you run up to us as we met your bus from camp.  Your hair had bleached out, your eyes were so bright, and your smile was from ear to ear.  The hug you gave me was the best; so full of energy and love.  When we got in the car, you said again how thirsty you were.  I said I was sorry that I did not have a drink for you, but I did have something else.  I handed you a big bowl of freshly picked/cleaned strawberries (one of your favorites.)  You looked at me and, full of feeling said, “I love you.”  Again, priceless.  Thank you for being such a gift.

7-1-02 [Age 10]
Today, you asked me what "molestation" is.  Carefully, I explained that it is when someone touches someone's private parts, etc. You replied, thoughtfully, "Oh. So it's like monsterbation, then." (Needless to say, the conversation didn't end there.)

8-19-02 Incidentally, we had a little “sex talk” last night.  I wanted to make sure you feel comfortable asking questions.  You asked, “If you think making babies is gross, can you just adopt a baby from China or something?”

3-31-06 [age 14]
Last week, you flew into my classroom and said, “NOTHING could make me get in a bad mood today!!!”  I said, “Who is she?” You replied that you had just asked A.P. to the 8^th grade dance, and she said yes. You were on cloud nine.

8-16-09 [Age 17, last post]
You bought your first car this week, a red 1994 Honda Accord with 169,000 miles on it, and you are understandably very happy. (Well, except for the learning a stick part—Whenever you come in the house after practicing, you have a little scowl on your face. It makes me smile, because I know you will one day be glad you learned how to drive a stick, even if it’s frustrating right now.)

Reading these again really made me smile...


Guess it's time I updated that journal!

She Lives!!

Sorry...Didn't mean to worry anyone by not posting today. I'm just very busy with school.  I AM ALIVE!!

If you contacted me to ask, thanks for your concern :)  I'll be back...

A Fish Tale

Believe it or not, I had to practically drag Mr.4444 down the wedding aisle.

(We dates six years.)

Among other reservations, he feared I might be the type of wife who complains

when her husband goes fishing, duck hunting, deer hunting, etc.

(His mom hated that stuff!)

Finally, I convinced him.

I told him that I knew that fishing and all kinds of hunting were important to him;

why would I want him to become someone different after we were married?

I assured him that I would never be "that" wife,

and I've held to my word.

(It's been easy.)

On Thursday, when Mr.4444 mentioned that he'd like to go fishing

for the weekend, with his friend, Stuart,

I said, "Go!"

(He works so hard. He deserves it!)

So Mr.4444 went fishing.

Now, Mr.4444 has told some fish tales in his time,

all true, of course (wink-wink),

but this afternoon, he backed up his story

with his first-ever picture message sent via his Blackberry.

He was so excited, he sounded like a little kid!

Biggest small-mouth bass he has ever seen!

Tonight, Mr.4444 is sleeping like a baby,

dreaming, no doubt,
about another "great catch."

Have a big-fish week! :)

Sundays in My City: Homecoming Edition

Sundays in My City, hosted by the beautiful Unknown Mami,

is your chance to see glimpses of communities all over the world.

It was Homecoming Week in lots of communities all over the world this week,

including ours.

Like her brother, Kendall has been very involved in making her school's Homecoming special.

Like last year and the few years before, a group of Student Council kids

descended on our house the night before "Spirit Day"

to mix up 30 large boxes of pudding...

and prepare a challenge involving players having to eat repulsive food items.

They had jalapenos, baby food, fresh broccoli, hard-boiled eggs, and garlic cloves.
(Repulsive when you're in high school, I guess.)
Dawn and I helped by suggesting the addition of soy sauce to the broccoli
and molasses and hot pepper flakes to the hard-boiled eggs.
They were a hit (if crying and vomiting contestants are any barometer :)

The dance was the highlight of the weekend, of course, and I took lots of pics, but when I saw this one, the rest paled in comparison, so this is the only one I'm posting...

Visit Unknown Mami for more shots from around the globe.

Saturday Sampling, September 25, 2010

I haven't even finished reading all of last week's Saturday Sampling posts, but I think it was the best week yet; there were plenty of well-written, inspiring, entertaining posts to choose from.


Here's your invitation to share your favorite posts from the week; one of your own, maybe, but also those from other bloggers. (It's the highest compliment!)

If you're new to Saturday Sampling, please read the "rules" by clicking on the Saturday Sampling tab above.

Enjoy!

Friday Fragments, Episode #113

TGIF!!!
And that's all I'm gonna say about that.

If this is your first time at Friday Fragments, please read the rules here.

My spider drama continued on Wednesday, when a tiny little baby spider rappelled down from the ceiling, 

onto the driver's side door, when we were in the bank drive-thru. 

I managed not to freak (it was a baby, after all)

I just calmly asked for a tissue and committed Spider Murder #3

(or four, depending on where #3 went). 

(Yes, I know--I'm going to hell.)

[Update: This was NOTHING, compared to the spider trauma on Thursday morning.
Watch my Spider Drama #5 VLOG about it here.  I told Mr.4444 I am driving his truck until
he can assure me that my car is spider-free.]

 

The Everyday Mommy became my Favorite Friday Fragmenter this week, 

when she posted these gems:

When I dropped Sweets off at school she asked,

"Do I sleep here now, or are you coming to get me?"

and later...

"When you went to the baby store why did you pick me to be your baby?
I wanted to be your sister."

What a little cutie pie! Thanks, Kathy. Enjoy your award:

Monday is my younger sister Judy's birthday, so in honor of her, here's a cute little pic from back in the day :)

Don't worry, Sis; you've got Mom's genes, too--You don't look a day over 30!

I'm sorry to do this to you, but while looking for spider pics, I found this...

Remember, what happens on the Internet stays on the Internet; let that be a lesson to you.

Now's your chance to link up your FRIDAY FRAGMENTS post!
You'll be very glad you did (if nothing else but for the distraction from the preceding photo)!

Spider Drama #5 (Bonus Post!)

This morning's Spider Incident was so bad, I had to vlog about it.  I'm considering it part of the therapy I'm going to need.

For those of you who are counting, that's 6 spiders in five days.

Sorry about the end of the video; I don't have time to monkey with it.

What you missed is me saying,

"Pray that I don't get eaten alive by spiders on my way home tonight."

(And yes, I know I need to comb my hair. What do you expect?! I've been traumatized!!!!)

And yes, I have asked God to forgive me for taking his name in vain.

And for the record, Kendall did not say, "Oh my God!" She said "Oh my gosh, Mom!"

(She would appreciate that clarification.)

Thousand Words Thursday

My sister, Michelle, posted this pic on her Facebook page recently. 

Seemed like a perfect Thousand Words Thursday, to me!

Thousand Words Thursday is the brainchild of The Mom Jen, of Cheaper Than Therapy.

P.S. Out of guilt for not replying to my comments in a long time, 

I'm turning comments off on this one. Just enjoy Dozer's cuteness :)

You're welcome :)

Little Miss Muffet, Me?!

There was a lot of drama on my commute to work this morning. Luckily, Kendall was with me, and she was there to capture it on film...

Okay, I confess, that was a reenactment.  (Kendall and I had a ball making it.) She obviously thought it was pretty funny, but this is serious stuff!  In real life, I am not a squealy-screamy-girly-girl, but what you don't know is that the scenario depicted in the video has happened three times this week on my way to school!  I am not kidding!!  The odd thing is that it happens in the same exact spot, about 5 minutes from my house.  The first time it happened, the spider was tiny, and I was only mildly bothered; I opened the window and let the air suck it out. The second time it happened, the spider was bigger, and I was alone. I pulled the car over and (truthfully now) I don't remember what I did with it (must be the trauma, I guess.)

My reaction to today's spider really made me feel out of my element! I'm just not used to feeling helpless, I guess.  I about lost it--That thing was HUGE, and I just couldn't handle it. I pulled over and insisted that Kendall come over to my side to open the door and maybe find a way to get the danged thing outside.

But we couldn't find it!

A feeling of nauseous dread came over me (where was that moxie when I needed it?!) but since we obviously couldn't look for a spider all morning, Kendall got back in the car and I made it to school without a hyperventilating. (Denial comes in handy, now and then.)

What is with the danged spiders dropping down from the ceiling and hanging out next to my flipping face, taunting me?!  Is this payback for all the spiders I have killed in my lifetime? Is it some type of omen? Or maybe it's just trying to tell me it's time I got my Halloween decorations up? 

I can hardly wait to go to school in the morning...

[Update: Spider #4 reared its ugly little head this afternoon, when we were in the bank drive-thru.  It makes me ill to say this---It was a tiny BABY spider.  I don't know a lot about spiders, but I did see Charlotte's web, so I'm pretty sure there about a billion others hiding out, waiting to attack me on my way to school. Greaaat.]

Dare I?

A little while ago, I sang the praises of these...

and my bloggy buddy, Mim (of Mim's Muddle) lamented that they didn't sell them where she lives 

(in Australia), so I kindly sent a bag to her.

Today, I received a couple of Australian treats from Mim!

According to her wildly-popular Facebook post, the TimTams were "self-explanatory," 

and Mim was right-- Kendall and I shared one, and it was delicious! 

I'm saving the rest to try with coffee, per the instructions touted in the FB post.

But this?

I'm scared!!!

She said to wait to try it until I read her promised "Tutorial." 

Hmm...

Should I wait?

Me and My Moxie

A while back, my blogging friend, Kathy, of Everyday Mommy, asked me to write a post about moxie. (Since she had to put her series on hold, she invited me to post it here.)

While considering Kathy's request, I thought to myself, “Hmm. Me, moxie?” Do I even know what it means?  Just in case, I checked dictionary.com and found three different definitions:

Pep
nerve, courage
know-how, skill

It was then that I realized, heck, yes! I do have moxie!  LOTS of it. I don’t remember when I acquired it, but I do remember that it hasn’t always been appreciated. 

In fifth grade, I don’t remember what I said, but I’m pretty sure it showed a little too much moxie, because frustrated Mrs. Carpieux told me, “Don’t be impertinent!” and I replied (with moxie), “What does impertinent’ mean?” She snapped, “Look it up in the dictionary!”

Mrs. Carpieux was not he the only adult who did not appreciate my moxie.  While my dad did refer to me as a go-getter (a true compliment, coming from a workaholic), behind my back, he also referred to me as “Mouthy.”  Mouthy, because as an adult, I think I was one of a short list of people who weren’t afraid to be assertive with him.

I showed moxie the time I (age 18) refused to get in the car with Dad to ride home from a family wedding (he was drunk). This was unheard of in my family (Mom sat quietly in the front seat).

I showed moxie the time I asked Dad to meet me at a restaurant, where I sat down with him and said (out loud!) that I had been going to counseling to deal with the affects of growing up with an alcoholic parent.  (Yup. I pointed out the elephant in the living room, and he didn’t get ticked!)  I told him about some of the things I had learned. I told him about enabling and that I was no longer going to take his disrespectful treatment of me and would be calling him out on it if he did it again. We came to an agreement, and I think he respected me for talking to him about it.

I showed moxie when Dad forgot our agreement a few times and I got wind of it. I’d confront him, and then we wouldn’t talk for a few months, but I didn’t back down.

I think that on some level, Dad admired my moxie. The trouble was that (like most men his age) he also feared it.  What can I say?  I’m a modern woman.  I spent my whole childhood being the "good girl," keeping my thoughts to myself, living with secrets, and not being true to myself. When I became an adult and started unpacking my emotional baggage, I decided that instead of just letting my moxie sneak out in tiny spurts (Sorry, Mrs. Carpieaux), I was going to embrace it; be strong, assertive, and not play mind games, expecting people to know what I was thinking.  I’ve almost never regretted it.

When Dad was dying and I stayed at his bedside, even though in my mind, I was running in the other direction, I showed moxie.

And I know Dad was proud.

Sundays in My City, Dance Edition

 

Our annual neighborhood block party was last night. 

It lasted quite a long time (I left the diehards at 2am), and started with some introductions...

It wasn't long before the DJ was rolling and kids were tearing up the "dance floor"....

I loved the looks on the little girls' faces, watching the big kids do the Macarena...

Of course, there was plenty of line dancing...

And every good Wisconsin parent knows it's his/her role to teach the Chicken Dance to their offspring...

And the Hokey Pokey..."You put your left foot in...."

"You put your head in...."

"You put your backside in, and you...." (sing with me!)

And, of course, there was a LOT of this...

 

Good thing I wasn't drinking last night; my head hurts just looking at this karaoke flashback.

(Seems like just yesterday, little Kyle was shouting singing, "Who let the dogs out?!")

 The kids had a ball, because

(like the Hokey Pokey)

that's-what-it's-all-about!

Visit Unknown Mami to see a funky San Franciscan piece of "art" 

and see shots from communities all over the world.

Saturday Sampling, September 18, 2010

Saturday Sampling is the perfect place to curl up and read some of the best, most inspiring/funny/moving posts you might have missed this week. You're also welcome to link up a favorite post of your own that you'd like more people to read.  It's your chance to link up your favorite personal post and/or posts you've loved from others. SS is what we make it--Thanks for contributing or just for reading :)

If your title isn't self-explanatory, please use tags to help others choose which posts they'd like to read. (see examples below)  I will "*" posts that are linked up by admirers and those posts that are especially popular.

[If this is your first time here, please click on the Saturday Sampling tab at the top of this page to learn the ins and outs of SS.]

Friday Fragments, Episode #112

Welcome to Friday Fragments, the easiest, most satisfying post to write--Just spill the randomness from your mind and link up! Like fall, the tree of my mind just drops it's leaves, full of color and a little cracked. Off we go! [Click the tab at the top of this page for more info about Friday Fragments.]

Kendall and I went shopping tonight for a Homecoming dress. Fifteen-to-twenty dresses later, we have a winner. It cost $130, and she paid for $80 of it with babysitting money. (Just thought I'd offer that info for the curious. By all accounts, that was a reasonable price for a dress not on sale, here in Northeast Wisconsin.) Stay tuned for pics.

This week, I had my first experience with a door-to-door steak salesman, and I'm still shaking my head. His pitch was, "I know this sounds weird, but we got a couple of steaks left, and the boss said to just get rid of 'em, so they're going for $2 each--Normally, they go for $15, so that's a great deal." Um....no, thanks.  No offense to you steak salesmen out there--I'm just not buying steak on a porch.

For what it's worth, I recorded an audio post this week-It's the Rethinking Wrinkles post, and I also plan to record my Gifts from My Father, Parting Gifts (kind of a Part II post) this weekend. This variety should keep me content as I await a promised Vlog from Yaya!!!  That's right--If you know her, you are elated to hear this news. If you don't, you'll thank me later, because that woman is delightful, and anyone who's read her blog misses her dearly. [She had to shut it down when the adoption of her son hit a snag, in part due to the blog.]

Followers-If you find yourself feeling down when looking at your count, remember this--It's not the numbers that are important. Who cares if you have a 100 friends if none of them really knows you? I say, count the number of relationships you've gained through blogging; those you know truly have an interest in you as a friend/human being. That's what blogging is really about. We get hung up on the stats sometimes, but in the balance of things-Ten years from now, nobody (including you) is going to care at all about how many "Followers" you had.

My favorite Friday Fragmenter last week was Caution, who wrote this little gem:  ~My youngest boys put a black light in their room this week, and I shared their disappointment when the dog's white chest failed to glow.  Almost makes me wish Kyle was a little stinker again! :)  Enjoy your award, Caution!

Speaking of Kyle, he got a job today! The coolest part of the experience (for me, as well as for Kyle) was when the guy looked over his application and said, "I don't need to interview you--You've got the job. That, right there, tells me all I need to know," and he pointed to the words "Eagle Scout." Soooo validating! [Incidentally, he will be detailing cars for a local car dealer. He is thrilled.]

If you've got a Friday Fragments post, please link it up and visit other Fragmenters, who are always excited to welcome you :)  Have a great weekend!

You know you want to meet this kid...

This morning, in 6th grade Social Studies, we played President Obama's Back-to-School video message to American students and asked them to reflect on it, in writing. I asked the students what they thought their president's message was and how his speech might affect them. Finally, I asked them to share what they can do to help make our country great. As usual, I received a variety of responses to grade. Many students wrote a handful of thoughts, some wrote lengthy, eloquent summaries, and one little girl (I'll call her Polly) busily scribbled away, excited to share her thoughts. Hers is my favorite.  This little cutie-pie idealist poured out the following. [It's very hard to see (she wrote it in pencil) and I've "translated it" for you below, where appropriate.]

I think that the speck opind up to me, 

so I'm going to...

[The speech opened my mind, so I'm going to...]

*Pay atencin      [Pay attention]
*Get better grades
*mack the world a better place
*incerig others    [Encourage others]
*I will sowt for my golls        [I will shoot for my goals]
*Stop bullys
*Pick up trash
*Recical   [Recycle]
*I will acev my gols      [I will achieve my goals]
*Lison to others      [Listen to others]
*Make a diffrints      [Make a difference]

*I will be a friend to all.
*in prove on evry thing [Improve on everything]
*stand up to bullys
*help kids that need help
*acomplish new goals
*and help kids acomplis more
*and acomplis there goals

That is what Obama makes me feel!

I'm hoping that "improve on everything" includes writing skills. 

If not, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to talk her into adding that to her list :)

Gifts from My Father: Parting Gifts

Had I known then what I know now, I would not have left, but I have no regrets, if that makes any sense.

Dad had been in the hospital since Wednesday, when he'd finally gone in to see why he had been feeling so weak and had such odd bruising on his legs. On Friday, they confirmed that Dad did, indeed, have acute myeloid leukemia. (It was just like my Dad to be 78, still working part-time, and walking around with cancer like it was indigestion, not even knowing that he had seen his last Christmas. Those farm boys don't go down easy.)

Dr. Lacey had suggested that Dad might make it another six weeks without treatment. We had discussed it as a family (with Dad) and determined that the treatment would probably kill him and wouldn't be worth it. Hospice was called, and they were planning to go to the house in a few days to help Mom care for Dad.

Ever since the bone biopsy on Thursday, Dad just seemed to be having trouble pulling himself out of a ditch of unconsciousness he had fallen into. I had spent the day at the hospital overnight on Saturday. All day Sunday, Dad basically "slept," though it seemed like he was more in a coma of some kind. Six of my eight siblings and I camped out in that small hospital room with Mom and Dad that night, wrapped up in hospital blankets on makeshift chair "beds," overflowing into the hallway.

Every now and then, Dad would open his eyes and say something to whoever was standing near the bed.

"Well, hey there, Mary! How're you doing?" he called out cheerfully to my sister (and then drifted back to sleep.)

To me, "You're an angel," (referring to my holding his hand on Friday) ...and back to sleep.

At some point, Dad began breathing a very heavy, labored breathing that Mom insisted he "always" did when he slept, but it was odd to me--so loud, so forceful. It seemed exhausting to me. This went on for hours.


Confused (I had no experience with terminal illness) at one point, I asked a nurse, "Is he dying?" She replied "No one ever knows." (I wish she had been more direct.)

In the wee hours of the morning, my younger sister, Judy, arrived. She had been in an airport when she heard the news and just wanted to come right away, instead of continuing home to Memphis. When she arrived,  Dad opened his eyes, smiled, and said hello to her (as if he'd been expecting her) and fell back to sleep.

By Monday morning (9am or so, I think), I was deliriously, shakily exhausted and in bad need of a shower. I just needed to go home for an hour or two. I weighed the consequence of being gone if he passed when I wasn't there and decided that I wouldn't have any regrets; I felt like we had already said everything that needed to be said. (Having had no direct experience with death at that point, I didn't realize there might be another reason to stay.)  Besides, I hadn't really accepted that he was dying; honestly, I thought he was just having a really hard time coming out of medication he'd been on for pain or something. I went home, took a nap, and had just gotten out of the shower when my brother Dennis called and suggested strongly that I hurry back.

I wasn't there when he passed, but in a way, I feel like I was, having been told the details when I returned...

Suddenly, after hours and hours of labored breathing, Dad's breathing calmed dramatically, and he opened his eyes. Mom was at his side, holding his hand.  He stared at her with the eyes of a little boy, for several minutes. She sang to him, and when the song was over, she told him, "Jim, I've taken care of you for 50 years. Go be with your mother now; she'll take care of you."

...and he quietly closed his eyes and breathed his last breath. 

I don't regret leaving, but I do feel like I missed out on something very powerful and beautiful; a human being passing from this world to the other side. That experience was a gift, and while I didn't receive it directly, six of my siblings did, and I know that Dad would have been proud of doing that for us (passing away within days of his diagnosis) rather than going through the whole Hospice thing and dragging it out. He would have been so happy that Mom didn't have to go through that, and after all we'd been through growing up, he kind of owed us a favor.

Thanks, Dad.