Odd Man Out

I had Bobby as a student when he was an 8th grader at the middle school. He is on the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum. He speaks well, is very book-smart (though he hated writing), converses well with adults, and loves playing his clarinet in the marching band (a nationally ranking band, I might add.) Personally, I liked Bobby alot. His organization skills (or lack thereof) left me tearing my hair out on a regular basis, but other than that, he was great.

Every now and then, I run into Bobby at the high school, as I did Saturda night, when Mr.4444 and I chaperoned a dance. As soon as I saw him, I said, "Hey, Bobby! How are you?" and he replied nervously, swaying a bit, "I don't know why I come to these things!!" I smiled and told him I was glad he was there and that I hoped he had fun. He disappeared into the crowd, looking much like the other young men in their dress shirts and ties, but lacking the confidence that usually comes with being "dressed for success."

I didn't give Bobby much more thought until Mr.4444 and I were assigned to the 2nd floor mezzanine, where we had a bird-eye view above the dance floor. From our perch, we could see all of the kids crammed up to the Dj's stage, as well as the smaller, separate groups around. It didn't take long for Bobby to come into our view; he was at the periphery of the group (figuratively, as well as literally.)

Bobby hovered around the outside of the massive crowd, every now and again stopping and making a gesture as if to almost tap someone on the shoulder to say something, only he never touched a soul. Instead, his hand would tentatively go up, then down, and up and down, and, defeated, he would move on. A few times, he cautiously stepped into the midst of small clusters of kids who gradually (though maybe not consciously) dispersed, their backs to him. He would then continue around the edges of the dancing mob, stopping now and then, trying to engage disinterested peers, and continuing his walk.

At one point, I noticed Bobby hovering near a beautiful young girl, again raising his hand tentatively to almost get her attention. Her eyes sparkled, her teeth shined, and her laughter was free for the group she was with. However, the group did not include Bobby, nor did it notice him. Knowing the young girl, I tried to call out to her telepathically, "Jenny, please notice Bobby. Just smile at him and say hi." Of course, she could not hear me. Just as Bobby took a bold step in her direction, she turned and walked off, arm-in-arm with two friends, innocently oblivious to the boy seeking friendship. It was heartbreaking.

From our vantage point on the next level, Mr.4444 and were filled with compassion for Bobby. We continued to watch as peer after peer acted as though he was not there. At one point, he approached two girls who listened as he said something but walked away with "that" look on their faces; the one that says, "What was he talking about?"

Later, as I sat talking to a young junior girl that I know, I brought up what we had observed. When I shared the story, Amy replied, "I know. That's normal; that's just the way Bobby is. He's like that all the time at lunch, too."

And my heart ached again, because it's not "who Bobby is." It's who we are; who his peers are.

Amy went on to talk about how annoying it is when she is "obviously" trying to do her homework, and Bobby comes up and starts singing a song to her. "But Amy," I said, "he's one of the nicest kids you'll meet." And he's autistic; picking up social cues doesn't come naturally to Bobby. However, if you simply told him, "Bobby, I'm doing my homework. I can't talk when I'm doing my homework," he would get it." Amy politely nodded, but I could tell she wasn't that interested.

Bobby doesn't fit in. Yes, he's weird. Yes, he says things that are not "cool" and sings songs to people (because he knows kids his age like music and he's trying to connect.) Like everyone else, Bobby wants to fit in. He just doesn't understand the rules. And no one his age has the patience to teach him. And the ironic thing is that he represents what all of his peers have at the deepest core of their beings at that age; the need to fit in, to belong to something (and sometimes, someone.)


Unwritten Social Rules for Semi-formal Dances:
*Only the un-cool kids (and freshmen) show up in the first half-hour that the dance starts.
*Dress shoes for girls are only for at dinner; they are taken off the minute the girls arrive at the dance.
*A boy's dress shirt should be ironed.
*A collared shirt means a dress shirt, not a flannel shirt with a collar.
*Dress pants for guys does not mean the best pair of jeans that you own; it means pants you have to iron and do not have pockets on the outside.
*If you must wear sneaks, at least make sure they are clean looking
*Girls slow-dancing with girls is okay. Boys slow-dancing with boys is just weird past 30-seconds or so. [No offense to gay men who might be reading this blog; it's just the rules that apply to this particular mostly-conservative area.]
*And (apparently) God-forbid you should smile or say hello to any special ed kids; their uncoolness might rub off on you....

Would you swap?

Kendall and I love to watch WifeSwap on Friday nights. In case you're not familiar with the show, they swap two women into each other's (usually opposite) lives. They are given each other's husband, children, and lives (except for sleeping with the husband) for the purpose of exploitation in the name of entertainment. The first week, they have to follow the House Rules of the wife/mother they are replacing. The second week, they get to force the family to live by their rules. The resulting drama is compelling (and funny). In the end, the wives and husbands reunite and share their experiences across a table from each other. Often times, they yell and insult each other at this meeting, but just as often, they share insights gained from their experiences.

My family has always told me that we couldn't participate in that show, because we are too normal. All the same, I wonder what type of mom they would send to take my place. They could send a mom who exercises obsessively or knows how to keep a plant alive for more than 6 months. Actually, the best mom to send here would be one who cleans like a freak. I would love for some other woman to live here for two weeks and clean my house obsessively. It would be worth the five-minute tongue lashing she'd give me when we reunited with our spouses and met "across the table."

As for where they would send me, they would probably send me to a family whose children behaved like animals. I think I would actually like that a lot, since obviously, I love problem children. Unfortunately, unruly children would likely be parented by animal fathers. On second thought, I might be able to manage an unruly dad (I do have the patience of a saint.) However, I think I would lose my sanity over idiots like Stephen Fowler of this episode; what a pompass ass. The kids would be minor, in my opinion; it's the problem husbands I don't think I could take. Now that would create some good TV; me going off on some neanderthal male chauvinist, or breaking it to Curtis (from Friday's episode) that he needs to find adult playmates and start teaching his children that they are not the center of the universe. (That said, his spoiled rotten little boy was a little cutie, I must admit. "I don't want to be skinny. I just want to be fat, and happy.")

There isn't much point in discussing this further; there is no way I would allow my family to be exploited like those on WifeSwap. Plus, any woman who came to my house for two weeks would fall in love with my husband, and that could be inviting trouble. However, we are a little short on cash these days...I wonder what they get paid???

What do you think your Wifeswap/Husband stop episode would look like?

Where I am...

This weekend, I'm participating in A Soft Place to Land's Step Away From the Computer Challenge. I'm "unplugging" for 24 hours (or more) so that I can clean my house and have some fun with the fam. Why not join us?

See you on Monday (or Sunday, depending on how bad the addiction is...)

Friday Fragments

It's always a treat to make it to Friday and Friday Fragments, where we gather up our bits and pieces from the week; those that weren't big enough for stand-alone posts but were too good to discard. Don't have any fragments this week? Partake in some of ours! Then, next week, keep a little notebook for those tidbits that come to mind, and join us next week--The more the merrier! [Click the FF button for more on how FF works.]

***My sister Geri does not have a blog, but I took this from her Facebook page...

Gotta love Alaska! I saw a girl running away from a baby moose on the way to her school, so I stopped, she hopped in, and I dropped her at school. I saw the mama moose on the way back. Both were in someone's yard. :) Yeah, she shouldn't take a ride from strangers, but what can ya do?! :o

***Smelly Ann hit one out of the ballpark with this fragment (my favorite) from last week:

"Mommy, do birds fart?"

I'm sure you'll agree, SmellyAnn deserves the award this week! Thanks, SmellyAnn! [And do they???]***Thanks to many generous donors, my Relay for Life total has climbed and keeps climbing. I've reached and exceeded my goal (and there is more coming in!) Thanks so much! Whether you support me or someone local, you are making a difference!

***Me, to Mr.4444: It doesn't even feel like Friday night to me.
Mr.4444 to Me: That's because it's Thursday.
( DANG! I hate when that happens.)

***A troll nearly ate Torina and she is now hiding under the bridge at a Busy Intersection. Her blog, as a result, is now private and you will need a password to get in. If you are a reader, you can email her at torina.busyintersection at yahoo dot com for access.

***Added Meno's blogging peeves to this post:
I hate....

When a post starts off with “I have nothing to say.” (Me, too, Meno!)

Sites that have music i have to turn off before i can continue reading. (Me, too, Meno!)

“Pay for Post” posts. I don’t mind ads, as i can ignore them, but these will cause me to stop reading a blog. (I can tolerate them once in a while, but not regularly.)

***Don't you hate it when your weekend gets eaten up by commitments? On Saturday, Mr.4444 and I have to help with the musical (painting the sets) and chaperoning a high school dance that night. I have a goal of getting my house at least presentable this weekend; wish me luck.

***"Smells like church to me," I said in response to Mr.4444 swishing his wine in the glass and inviting me to smell the "bouquet" of his Pinot Blanc (at the restaurant last week.) [I'm not much of a drinker, obviously.]

***Because my house is an absolute pigsty and because I'm trying to prove to myself that I don't need to check myself into a Bloggers Anonymous treatment center, I am participating in A Soft Place to Land's Step Away from the Computer Challenge, and I am really looking forward to it. Instead of Friday, though, (when I have to be on the computer for work and only have a short time at night) I'm choosing to do it Saturday, and maybe even Sunday. That means no computer; no email, no Facebook, and no blog reading or writing. This is going to be tough!

***If you've got fragments, hook 'em up here with Mr.Linky and visit some other fragmenters. I look forward to reading your bits and pieces, Friday night, of course, heehee! [Remember, only FF posts will be kept.]

Thousand Words Thursday

Is this a great shot, or what? It was taken by my Cre8buzz friend (remember the Buzz?!), Jackal, who recently took a trip to Africa and took numerous gems like this one. Jackal is a humble, gentle soul and a very, very talented photographer. Here's a clip from her About Me, on her blog:

"Born in Zimbabwe but now living in Scotland. Introvert with sense of humour who struggles with mental illness ( Borderline Personality Disorder). I explore and express my world through photography."

Jackal's photos have been bringing me joy for a little over a year now, so I decided to share one with you and encourage you to check out more of her photographic genius. She's a little bit shy, but I know she would appreciate your visit.

For more Thousand Word Thursday pics, visit Jen at Cheaper Than Therapy.

Wordless Wednesday

More Daytona Beach Spring Break, 1984(?)

When God Clocks Out

Three 8th grade boys shoot the breeze on the couch in my room,.

Shawn: "I think I'm schizophrenic. I keep hearing noises of stuff that's not really there."

Brian casually asks, "What do you mean?"

Shawn: "I heard a clunking noise on our stairs last night."

This gets Brian's attention, "What time was it?" he inquires, a serious tone in his voice.

"10:30 OR 11:00. I don't know..."

"Oh," Brian replies, losing interest. "Cuz at 3am, God takes a break."

[????]

Now Jonathon joins in, "That's when the devil comes out."

[Wha?]

Brian adds knowingly, "Yeah. Cuz God's taking his break."

[His what?!]

Shawn scowls, "Dude, that's messed up."

"I know."

Two out of three of these boys sincerely believe that "God takes a break" at 3am and lets the devil run the show for a while.

Where do they get this stuff?!

How Can You Mend....

Some days, she wants to die.

After four months of the heart-breaking, soul shaking grief that comes to a mother who has lost her teenage son, my dear friend Molly has been doing her best to move forward but finding every day an incredible struggle. She never knew a human being could experience such pain. She often speaks of feeling like she has a gaping hole in her chest, exposed to everyone, vulnerable.

Recently, Molly had started feeling unwell physically, too. She was easily winded and had developed a cough. It did not go away over time, and, in fact, got worse. She could breathe in okay but had difficulty exhaling. Once an avid exerciser, she had recently returned to the gym but could not even take five minutes of exertion before having to quit. It was as though there was a mass in her lung, blocking the escape route for her breath. She knew something was wrong.

And secretly, on some level, she was glad. A part of her hoped it was cancer; the inoperable kind that would take her life, end her suffering here on earth...and bring her to see Ryan again.

On Thursday, Molly went to the doctor, who told her that it was probably asthma. They scheduled an appointment for asthma testing. Molly knew better; she insisted on a chest x-ray. They went along with it and sent her home to await the results.

Before she had even turned onto her street, Molly got a call from the doctor's office. They told her to turn her car around and head for an emergency room; she had a collapsed lung and would need surgery. Seriously? Seriously.

It was in those moments, on her way to the E.R., fearing the worst; believing that she could die and knowing who/what she would leave behind, that Molly had an epiphany.....

She did not want to die.

At the hospital, they put a chest tube in her lung and took an MRI to look for a mass or some other obvious cause, but they did not find one. After further consultation with Molly, the specialist concluded that the problem was most likely caused by the prolonged crying that she has been doing all these months; the kind of regular, soul-tearing, choking, gasping, heart-breaking sobs that come to a mother grieving her son's passing. Who knew that a person could cry hard enough to damage a lung?

My Molly is a fighter; she is doing much better now. Her lung has reflated itself, and the tube has been removed. She is already back to her normal schedule and is putting one foot in front of the other. She knows she's going to make it through this. She knows she has a life ahead of her. It's just going to be a very long, hard fight, as anyone would expect, but she's going to keep fighting.

If you are the praying kind, please keep the prayers coming...for the continued healing of Molly's lung.....as well as her broken heart.

[For more of Molly's journey, click on my Archives by Topic button in my sidebar]

Dinner Drama, etc.

Because he travels a lot for his job, Mr.4444 eats out a lot. That turns out to benefit me, because whenever we go out to eat, he always lets me pick the restaurant. Isn't that great?! We went out to dinner last Friday night to celebrate our wedding anniversary. Grandma4444 had given us a check for a "nice dinner," and boy did we have one; bacon-wrapped scallops, salmon, and creme brulee with strawberries for dessert--It was to die for, almost literally, for one dinner guest at a nearby table.

I noticed a man shove his chair back and start what was obviously the Heimlich maneuver on his friend. I quickly pointed it out to Mr.4444, who leaped out of his chair and rushed over. The guy performing the maneuver had tried three times already, unsuccessfully, when Mr.4444 (no stranger to people choking in restaurants) told him to not be afraid to really "give 'er." Finally, just as the helpless bystanders were about to step in, the victim started coughing. What a relief! The man was part of a dinner party celebrating a wedding. After the incident, everyone was visibly shaken, including the bride, who was in tears. At least it turned out well, and I'm sure they'll never forget it!

This incident didn't phase Mr.4444 in the least, because he is the guy you want around in an emergency. Because he mostly eats alone when he eats out on the road, he does a lot of people-watching, which has resulted in his saving two people with the Heimlich maneuver in years past. It's such a simple procedure, and, done properly, can save a life. To learn how, click here.

And speaking of lifesaving, we found out this week that a young teacher from our district who had been given two months to live (brain cancer) has been kicking cancer's butt for a year and a half now, thanks to two experimental drugs! His tumor is shrinking! You cannot get a better testimonial for supporting cancer research, can you? If you have made a donation to your local Relay for Life event, thank you. If you haven't, it's not too late to support me in my first Relay for Life event, which takes place next month. (I'm only $80 away from my goal, thanks to several donors. )

So learn the Heimlich, raise money to support cancer (or other) research, or participate in an event. Together, in a number of easy ways, we can save lives!

Stella

My sister Mary has a snake phobia of sorts; she has had some horrible snake nightmares. I'm happy to say that snakes don't bug me that much. While I don't mind a cute little garter snake, once they grow beyond a half-inch in diameter, I'm pretty much done with snakes. So, when I found out that one of my colleagues had a pet corn snake in her classroom, I wasn't interested in meeting her.

That is, until I learned that Stella is magic. Okay, not in a presto-change-o way, but the "magic spell" kind of way. You see, no matter what kind of mood some autistic students are in, if they spend any time with Stella, they are transformed.

The first time I met Stella, Charlie introduced her to me. "No, thanks. I'll let you hold her," was my response to his pressing her into my personal space. His demeanor was calm, warm, even affectionate. Seeing his obvious love for her, we decided to use her as a calming technique. Now, after lunch-recess (which can be too stimulating for Charlie), he stops at Stella's and holds her for about five minutes before heading to his next class. Seeing Charlie arrive to class with a smile, ready to work, is a wonderful thing, and I know it's Stella's doing.

So the next time you think snakes are evil, remember Stella. As snakes go, she's a real charmer.P.S. The student pictured is not the student mentioned in this post is not Charlie; he's just a very willing model! :)

Friday Fragments

It feels so good to unload my random ramblings from the week here, where I can get support and feel camraderie with my other fragmented friends. Thanks for joining me. (For more on fragments and how to join us, click the button above.)

*** "Let me know when you are feeling discomfort," said the torture chamber operator, gradually increasing the tension.

Errrr---errrr----errrr

"Ouch! Oouuch!" I cried.

Errr---errrr.

"Alright," she said coldly, "Now, stop breathing."

As if I needed the prompt--the sadist had my boob in a vice grip, for crying out loud! I wanted to kill her; I felt very hurt that she snuck those two extra cranks in there after I clearly expressed that I was already in pain. Maybe I should call someone and complain about my mammogram?

***Mel, of The Fraase Family wasn't even trying when she wrote my Favorite Friday Fragment last week. She wrote a fragment about a diaper giveaway she had entered:

"This is a valuable All-In-One cloth diaper that you can use for yourself or give as a gift to someone expecting a baby! "

If that didn't crack you up, you need to read it again. Mel, thanks for the LOL! (And for the suggestion; I just might need one of those one day!) Please accept this award as my thanks :)
***Ate an $800 Red-Hot candy this week. (Think broken tooth.)

***In case you were interested but missed it, check out my collaborative post, Blogging Peeves from earlier this week and learn how to win friends and influence people. (Just kidding; but you might learn how not to get picked last in gym class.)

Here's your chance to share your own fragments and visit other fragmenters. Leave a link to your FRIDAY FRAGMENTS post here, with Mr. Linky (non-FF posts will be deleted, sorry).

A Thousand Words Thursday: My Girl

Kendall and I, instead of helping the boys tap maple trees last weekend, goofed around in the woods with her camera. The love I felt in those silly moments was palpable. I could go on and on, but that's boring, and I don't need a thousand words to say what this pic means to me; I only need four:
I love this kid.

For more TWT pics, visit Jen at Cheaper Than Therapy.

Lent in Focus

I don't know about you, but I have not been doing very well on my Lent commitment. It felt good, though, this weekend, to take some time to focus on the "reason for the season" and look for symbols that represent rebirth, sacrifice, and/or repentance. We were outside, tapping maple trees (well, really, Kendall and I were just goofing around taking pictures while the men did the tapping) when I saw these baby Hemlock "buds" and knew they were a perfect symbol of rebirth. Even though there is still at least a foot of snow on the ground, just ten feet above are these tiny promises of spring, born after months of winter sleep. Just as Christ emerged from the tomb on third day, rising from the dead, these buds give us hope and answer a promise.

If you have a photo that, for you, represents the theme of rebirth, sacrifice, or forgiveness, please add your post to Mr.Linky and visit others to see what inspired them. I look forward to seeing your Lenten Focus shots!

S'no Fun

Kendall and a friend begged to be allowed to do this several years ago
(Seriously, please don't call Child Protective!)

[Originally posted December 7, 2007]

Every year, when we finally get a good snow (as we did recently--8 inches!), Kendall is the first (enthusiastically joined by my husband) to say, “Let’s go play outside!!!!” While I love the look of snow and taking photos of snow fights and of our snowmen, I just don’t care to put snow pants on and actually roll in it. I’m pretty sure my brothers ruined the love of snow-play for me...

I am number seven of nine kids. Four boys preceded me, all within the span of seven years. As you can imagine, I’ve had my share of noogies at the hands of my brothers. I know what it’s like to have a boy sitting on my stomach, knees planted on my shoulders as he hangs a loogie (yes, it's actually in the dictionary!) over my face. And of course, before remote controls, I was the brother-appointed “channel changer,” for at least one tyrant. Unfortunately, while I do love my brothers, I don’t remember fond childhood memories of them, least of all where snow is concerned.

I remember one snow moment in particular. We were all outside, playing “Tackle the Bum,” which involved a football being tossed up. Whoever caught the ball then rushed to a designated goal, but not without the rest of the players doing their best to tackle him/her before he/she could get there. It's a violent game, as I recall; perfect for children full of suppressed anger. I don’t know why I was playing; I’m sure I hated this game, given that I was younger, weaker, and most likely to be pummeled. Maybe I liked snow at one point? What happened next offers a potential clue to my current snow aversion.

I have a distinct lightening-flash memory of waking up (alone) in the front yard, flat on my snow-suited back. That’s all I recall; waking up, seeing the sky, and wondering why I was alone.

I like to think that my brothers had rushed into the house to get help, call an ambulance, or at least get an icepack, but if that was so, why wasn’t anyone left behind to tend to me? I had obviously passed out; surely they wouldn’t have just left me there!? Why is this snapshot of a memory stuck in my mind?

When I ask my brothers today, they just chuckle and claim ignorance (which is easier for some than others, LOL and JK!). Of course, in the well of torturous behaviors that they committed, this one would have been only a drop. I think it more likely that I, as “the bum,” had been tackled and left for dead. I like to think there would have been hell to pay for letting me get hurt like that; maybe each one was afraid of being blamed and rushed off to find a hiding place? Regardless, I suspect this is one reason that snow and I are not best friends. Thankfully, Kendall and snow are BFFs forever (especially if my husband has anything to say about it!)

P.S. Reasons I love Mr. 4444:

1) He is an amazing dad to our kids. Simply amazing.

2) He has never, ever pushed me in the snow or rubbed my face in it.

3) He taught me how to downhill ski on our first date (gently, patiently, lovingly).

4) He has never, ever given me a noogie or hung a loogie over me.


I have reciprocated by never tickling his feet. (Well, almost never.)

Check this out!

Push Play.

For the record, this is not a review for money or anything; I just did it for fun. At work, someone made a Voki of a sumo wrestler with a goofy voice, giving us Biggest Loser participants a pep-talk. It was hilarious. I like the idea of using Voki for students. For example, I have a student with a social phobia, and he will NOT give oral presentations. I'm planning on seeing if I can get him to make one of these.

I guess you can also use Voki to make video ringtones and for email messaging, but I haven't been that adventurous yet. Here are a couple others I made while goofing around.
(Confused? Read this post.)



When I made one at home, it was a slow, laborious process, but when I did it at work, it was quick, easy, and I found many more options available to me in terms of the characters and the trappings that go along with them (hair, clothes, jewelry, etc.) Here's some more goofiness.


You see the potential here, right??

Blogs I Stalk

This is going to be a quick post, because yesterday's Blogging Peeves was a long one (though very well worth the read, I think.) I leave you with a simple question:

Which blogs do you enjoy so much that you continue to read them regularly, even though the blogger has never visited yours? For me, this list includes...

Pioneer Woman (of course) She inspires and entertains me.
I Need a Martini Mom She makes me laugh.
NieNie Poignant, compelling, fills my heart and enriches my faith in the human spirit.

I want to make it clear that I don't feel bitter about these bloggers not visiting me AT ALL. My point is that their blogs are so great, I read them every chance I can, just to enjoy their content.

Blogging Peeves

Thanks so much to those who sent your blogging peeves/advice! Please note that by posting these peeves, I am not necessarily endorsing them as my own opinions (I added MY TWO CENTS when I felt inspired.) Some of this might hurt; if you see yourself in any of these peeves, don't stress. (Acknowledgment of the problem is the First Step, and you are already forgiven.)

First, since Jen's (TuTu's Bliss) peeve relates to this: "...people who are stingy with their linky love and don't provide links or credit to the bloggers who inspire them, show them kindness and share their tips," I want you to know that she inspired this post! :) We were talking about how annoying it is when people add their blogs to Mr.Linky when the post has nothing to do with the original post's subject (one of my peeves.)

MY TWO CENTS: When you see Mr.Linky, it means that you are welcome to attach a relevant post. It's that simple. If you add your link without reading the post, that's rude. It's also nice to check out at least a few other people's links, not just add your own and leave.

Danielle, of An Eagle's View, said, "My biggest pet-peeve is the ranters and the ravers when it comes to numbers. Specifically, the number of followers or the number of comments. I know we all want to be loved, we all want to be heard. But I think one meaningful comment is worth so much more than 10 that were left because the reader felt "obligated" to say something. Worse yet is when the blogger rants and raves in an open post, upset over "not getting enough comments" or "losing a follower."

MY TWO CENTS: Losing followers is not tragic, unless they are leaving in droves, I suppose. I do not Follow just because someone follows me (sorry). I only follow blogs that I find appealing or that I think deserve a chance (if I don't like the first post, I might like others in the future.) I have only stopped following a few blogs, because of one or more of the following reasons: I lost interest in the content, the blogger went all political and I couldn't stand it any more, it was just too negative, or I just had too many blogs in my reader and had to let some go. I'm kind of the same way about Facebook; if you see my Facebook page, you may notice that I do not have hundreds of friends; I have 79 (and 40 of them are family.) I don't follow or read blogs just to be polite, and I do not take it personally if someone decides not to follow me anymore. (Besides, do you really think that 140 people read my blog every day/week? Come on.)

From Abby, of Me and My Boys...
I can't stand not being able to see the post when I comment. I have noticed things that bug me about certain blogs over the past few months and I have tried to make sure I don't have those annoying issues on mine!

MY TWO CENTS: I see this all the time, and there's an easy fix. To keep Abby and the rest of us happy, make sure your Comments (under "Settings" in Blogger) are set to "Open in a Pop-up Window." Otherwise, commenters can no longer see the post to which they are referring once they click on Comment. It is frustrating, especially if you have a memory like mine and can't remember what you were going to say once the comment screen opens!] BTW, LisAway also left a great idea for this in today's Comments.

Meno sent these:
I hate:

When a post starts off with “I have nothing to say.”

Sites that have music i have to turn off before i can continue reading.

“Pay for Post” posts. I don’t mind ads, as i can ignore them, but these will cause me to stop reading a blog.

MY TWO CENTS: Me, too, my friend. What you said!

Tara, of If Mom Says Okay-has this blogging peeve... "when another blogger pimps out something on their site in my comments. If I want to give someone a shout out, I'll do it and be glad to give them the space. But I don't like it when someone links to their site, giveaway, contest, whatever... from from mine without even asking. It makes me feel like I'm only being used to drive traffic to their blog."

MY TWO CENTS: I don't mind this once in a while, if it's from people who frequent my blog. Those, "I'd-like-to-pimp-my-stuff,-so-I'll-find-a-way-to-fit-it-into-this comment" comments annoy me, too.

Kazzy had this to say: "I guess I really dislike the crude humor some people feel they need to stoop to. I like a good laugh, but when it has to do with the bathroom, I am not really interested."

MY TWO CENTS: Uh...sorry about this post, Kazzy! Also, I don't mind the occasional swear word, but if the f-bomb is used in every single post, I'm less likely to read that blog. I'm just sayin'...

Kazzy also avoids these: "always-all-about-the-kids posts. Got four of my own, but when I am squeezing in time to keep up with my blog list, I want to hear about the author, thoughts, musings, experiences. I am just not that interested in diaper stories."

MY TWO CENTS: This is a personal preference. I truly enjoy reading about funny things your kids say, their disabilities/abilities, and your journey as a parent. However, I'm not that into daily photos/updates on kids...kind of boring (except to Grandparents or far-away family members, I suppose.) If you want more people to read your blog, strike a balance.

Here's something else that I don't like in a blog: blow-by-blow accounts of your day. Sorry, but unless it is humorous, I'm not interested in reading a daily record/account of your diet and activities. The essence of blogging is the interaction with readers. What makes a blog a blog (and not just a diary) is links and content that engage the reader. So, keep your diary if you like to do that kind of thing, but please do not feel hurt if I don't read your blog regularly. If I can choose between reading about what you had for lunch and reading about how someone wet her pants at the grocery store, I will choose the latter. (I can hear the Followers leaving now....SORRY! I'm just trying to keep it real here.)

DaPoppins said, "Well, it is really peeving when bloggers spl bad. And when they don't want me to comment on what Must be commented on."

Gladys, of Gladys Speaks said, "I hate it when you email a blogger with a question and they do not respond- ever. Not in their comment section. I mean I totally understand if you just leave a comment. I don't expect an answer but if I email you with a specific question, the least you can do is send me an email back that says Mind Your Own Damn Business."

Cindy loves her doxies, but she doesn't love this: "...when people do those "review" posts to make money. Boring!"

MY TWO CENTS: I don't mind review posts if they are only every couple of weeks or less. I appreciate bloggers like Jen, who have created off-shoot blogs for the sole purpose of reviews.

Jenni Jiggety-I really don't enjoy the letter identification things...AT ALL. I am not even sure I understand what they are supposed to prevent? I don't have them, and I've never had a problem with spam comments, but I guess some people have.

Heidi of Dunhaven Place-I hate to say anything b/c there is nothing that peeves me that I have not been guilty of at one time or another. I guess I would have to say: the unrealistic expectation that many bloggers have that they don't have to read and comment on the blogs of others in order to have people read and comment on theirs. I realize this is a common misperception for new bloggists (me included) but now that I know better, it bugs me when others don't get that. Aw, heck, now I'm on my soapbox, determined to inform blogdania of the truth of it all. (You have created a monster.)

MY TWO CENTS: It boils down to this--If you want people to read your blog, you have to get it out there, not expect people to come looking for it. A great way to do this is to devote time to reading and commenting (sincerely) on other blogs. Another way to increase readership is joining blogging networks (there are TONS of them out there, and I'm not even going to start listing them; just look in sidebars to find them.) Once you get readers to your blog, though, it's your job to keep their interest. Just because you read someone's blog does not make them obligated to read yours indefinitely. There are thousands of blogs out there, and most people have a limited amount of time to read their favorites. Take a look at your blog from an objective point of view; if you only had a limited amount of time to read blogs, would yours be one of them? If not, what would make you do so? A cleaner look? More photos? Shorter posts? If, like me, you have a full-time job and want to keep your sanity, don't worry about how many people are reading; just write for yourself and enjoy the wonderful folks you are fortunate enough to have on any given day :)

Bee Repartee vented on this subject: I was minding my own blog the other day and ran across a woman posting an email. It was one of those viral emails she had copied to her blog and proceeded to take credit for writing. Sure it's funny but does this not make you nuts, people?

MY TWO CENTS: Bee, what planet did that blogger live on?! That's ridiculous!

Charlie on the Turnpike offered up a very funny comment, which was more of a post, so I asked him to let me link to it. Take it away, Charlie! (As soon as he sends the link to me, I'll set it up.)

And finally, some thoughts from Charrette: I've probably offended everyone in the entire blogosphere by disappearing and reappearing.[Hardly.] And stuff I don't even know I'm doing wrong besides. So I have no advice. Oh, except I just thought of one. We had dinner with a manners expert the other night, and I told her I was embarrassed to be sitting across from her because i was afraid she'd be scrutinizing my bad manners all night. And she said, "But that wouldn't be good manners for me to notice your bad manners" and she put me right at ease. So i guess I would say don't offend...and don't take offense. A live and let live motto would probably put everyone at ease.

The beauty of blogging is the freedom, after all, to blog and let blog, I guess. It's your blog; manage it the way you want to manage it. But if you're interested in what others think, I hope you found this post helpful :)

Friday Fragments

Friday Fragments; those bits and pieces of your week that are too small to stand alone, but too good to let go. It's the next best thing to closure. Thanks for joining us! [click on the button above for more details on FF.)

***March is Cerebral Palsy Awareness Month. Joe and Leanna, parents of Cole, have written a post called The Face of CP. It's short and informative; I encourage you to read it if you don't know anything about CP.

***We've gone two full days now without Outlook at work! That means no email, no saved/deleted/drafts/sent emails, no calendar, etc. and there is a good chance we will not get anything back since the last day the system was backed up (some time in February.) In a way, it's kind of liberating.

***Focus on Lent-Many of you said you'd join me for Focus on Lent on the 18th to share our photos representing sacrifice, rebirth, and repentance. I don't know about you, but I'm finding it hard to focus on the task at hand! Don't worry, though, I'm not giving up. Just a reminder...

***My Favorite Friday Fragmenter last week was Yaya, because of this charming fragment:

"It's fun to sing naked!"

You have to agree, that one offers quite a visual. (I'll let you figure out who said it.) Yaya, here you go again! :)***I've aimed a little higher and am half-way to my final goal of $350 in my first-ever Relay for Life run/walk. Thanks to those who have offered moral or monetary support! It's not til April, so don't be afraid to come back if you win the lottery, find yourself in someone's will, or sell one of your kids.

***Until yesterday, I really didn't mind the three feet of snow still on the ground. I fell on the ice at the end of the driveway last night (scraped both hands, smacked my elbows, and hit my head. Thank God for my fluffy hood, which cushioned the blow.), and now I'm with everyone else; enough of this winter crap already! [Thanks. I'm okay.]

***The Blogging P's & Q's post is scheduled for tomorrow. You sent in some great points, and I look forward to getting a few peeves off my own chest, too!

I love unloading fragments as much as I enjoy reading yours; feel free to link up below and share the love! [Non-FF posts will be deleted, sorry.]

Thousand Words Thursday

Not too impressive on the basketball court, but he didn't seem to mind (just happy to be on his first team.)

Ever donated cash, a new pair of jeans, a swimsuit, or a new pair of shoes to your local charity? Picture this kid's face, and you'll be glad you did.

Thanks for making a difference.

For more pics that say a thousand words, visit Cheaper Than Therapy.

OMG

There's no easy way to say this.

I farted (out loud, accidentally) in class on Tuesday.

And the worst part? I was standing right next to a kid that I am constantly reprimanding for farting in class.

There was a split second of hope that no one heard it, but that didn't last long. The look on "that" student's was PRICELESS. I think I made his day, or year. (It was almost worth the embarrassment.)

An hour later, I hear Shawn say to another student, "Dude--Mrs.4444 let one rip in math class today."

Man, I hope their memories for this event are as short as they are for basic math facts.

P.S. In reading this Wednesday morning, I find it funny that I felt the need to add the word "accidentally" up there, as if that wouldn't be assumed by adults reading my blog. I was going to edit it out, but then I realized that it illustrates the company I keep at school, for whom breaking wind in class is rarely an "accident."

Can't Help Lovin' That Man of Mine

This, right here, is one of the biggest reasons I love this man. (Sorry it's sideways, but it's worth it!)



Need I say more?

I love you, Mr.4444.

Happy 19th Anniversary!!

Blogging P's & Q's

Jen, of TuTu's Bliss, and I shared an email recently, which related to blogging pet peeves. She suggested that maybe we should write a "Blogging Ettiquette" post. I thought it was a great idea, so I'm inviting you to share your biggest pet peeve related to blogging and/or the best blogging advice you can think of. Preferably, you would email it to me (along with your blog's URL, if you have one) so that I can put them in a post, along with links. So, if you wouldn't mind, skip the comments today and send an email, instead, to mrs4444 a t new.rr.com.

This is going to be great! I've already collected three excellent blog-advice tidbits from friends who are sleeping better because they have unloaded their peeves. Feel free to join in!

Have a peeve-free day!

Mrs.4444

Sex Ed

A certain almost-14-year-old girl and I were having a conversation about sexual intimacy between a man and a woman. (Just a conversation, mind you. She's a very innocent girl, but I try to keep the communication lines open, and I want her to feel comfortable asking me questions related to sex.) The subject came up because of an Adam Sandler movie marathon today and some unexpected sexual references that were made in Anger Management. [Fast-forward a couple of hours.]

Following a mention of the "men are like light switches, women are like irons" reference, I stated that a sensitive man who loves his wife will not rush through sex but will want to please her; he will try to wait for her before giving in to his own passion. She asked, in all seriousness,

"But Mom, how do they learn that? Who teaches them that?"

What a good question, don't you think? I wasn't sure of the answer but offered a couple of guesses. Do you know?

Hoping for a Cancer-FAIL

If you're like me, when you think of cancer, you can name at least three people you know whose lives have been directly affected by it. One of my friends, Kandee (you know her as the sometimes blogging, always cracking me up friend in California), is a breast cancer survivor. (Sadly, five of her family members were not so fortunate.) Kandee is a tough cookie and a great example of someone who perseveres, even in the face of adversity.

Mr.4444's Aunt Bette kicked cancer's butt at least 15 years ago. The experience has made her life richer, in a funny way. She appreciates it more now, I guess. More and more today, people are beating cancer, because of advances in treatment and early detection.

My dad passed away in 2005 from Leukemia (a form of blood cancer). He was such a tough old bird (age 78) that he walked around without knowing he had cancer, until Mom finally talked him into seeing a doctor for his "fatigue" and unexplained bruising. Five days later, he was gone. (Yeah, that's a story I'll share one day). My point is that some are lucky, and some, not so. The beauty of it is that we can make a difference in the number of people who beat cancer.

I'm doing my part by participating in my local Relay for Life event on April 18th. Since Mr.4444 just got a job after being out of work for two months, I figure I can't make a big financial impact, but I can make a small one, and I can encourage others to do the same. Will you please consider clicking on the button on my sidebar and making a pledge to sponsor me? My goal is to raise at least $200, but my team will take anything we can get, I'm sure :) I would appreciate it SO much, and you would know that you are making a difference. [update: I'm so close to $200 already (and know that at least three others plan to donate) that I realized I aimed too low. I've raised my goal to $350. I'm so excited!! Thanks, you guys!]

So, I'm in training now; eating raw egg yolks and stuff, pumping iron in the gym, running 10 miles per day, etc. What? You don't believe me?? Why would you say a thing like that?!

Okay, okay; you've got me; this is not a rigorous race. Heck, I don't even know if it's an actual race. It's my first time, though, so please help me look good by clicking on my RfL button and sending some love. (I promise I'll at least wear some sneaks and do a couple of jumping jacks before I start.) Thanks!

Friday Fragments

Friday Fragments are bits and pieces of your week that are usually brief; too short for a stand-alone post, but too good to discard. Collect humorous observations, "Heard" items, and other small gems and put them together in a Friday Fragments post. Then leave a link to your Friday Fragments post with Mr.Linky and link back to me in your post (please). [Click on the FF button above for more information.] And now,on with the fragments!

***I think there should be words in our language for the distinction between natural, youthful aging (if that makes sense) vs. people who look younger because they've had Botox or plastic surgery. It's kind of like photography these days; I don't know how much to appreciate it until I know if it's been photoshopped or not. (To me, it makes a big difference.)

***Why is it that in movies and tv, whenever people open windows, there is never a screen?

***Please check out my Focus on Lent post if you think you might like to join me in a mission to and share images that represent the themes of rebirth, repentance, and sacrifice this Easter season.

***Blue Violet, of Nut in a Nut Shell offered my Favorite Friday Fragment last week:

My son got home last night from college for Spring Break. He devoured this rack of ribs within his first 15 minutes of being here. Pray for me.

That was really funny, Blue. Please accept this award in honor of your silliness.***In a shocking display today (Thursday), a student randomly called me a "F--king Bitch!!" (Seriously; I was shocked, as we had had a perfectly fine day prior.) Too bad, kid; your plan didn't work. See, I'm too smart for you; I know you said it (for no reason) just to get an extra day off this weekend (you had plans for Friday that didn't include school.) I didn't fall off the turnip truck just yesterday, Buddy. Your consequence? Coming to school tomorrow. If you truly thought I was a bitch today, I look forward to seeing your scowling face in the morning! (I'll try to keep my laughter on the inside.)

***Ever heard of Rules of Thumb? It's kind of like Wikipedia, Facebook-style. There are all kinds of quirky (and normal topics) like Winning at Blackjack, Talking to an American, and my favorite today, Controlling Your Cat (which everyone with a cat knows is impossible.) It was really entertaining, reading the comments of members going back and forth, and you can search by topic or even add your own Rules of Thumb.

***Here's a random comment from Charlie this week, as he chattered away, first thing in the morning on Wednesday. He picks up an inch-high stack of multi-colored Post-it notes and emphatically offers, "Hey, just so you know, you only have three of the purple ones left." (Of course, I thanked him profusely.) What a little cutie.

***Mel, of Girl in the Glasses, wrote this hilarious post last week Why I'm Not a Nurse, and I highly recommend it!

So, that's what I've got for you. Do share your fragments, will you? Here's where to leave the breadcrumbs...(Friday Fragments posts only, please.)

To Old Friends

Thousand Words Thursdays are the brainchild of Jen, at Cheaper Than Therapy.

And because the thousand words that come to your mind aren't enough, I'm adding more. This photo was taken in 1972. That's my brother Dennis, me, sister Judy, and my friend, Angie.Angie and I met when I was six and she was five. She had a bike, and I did not. She let me use her little pink Huffy; showing me how to ride without training wheels (I remember that day!)

My dad discouraged my friendship with Angie, because her mom was divorced (a real taboo back then, I guess), but that didn't matter to me. We remained friends when she moved a few miles away and lived with her mom and step-dad, G. G worked nights and slept during the day; we'd play outside all day to avoid him "throwing a fit." I will never forget Angie putting a big mason jar of marbles just inside her bedroom door one night as we prepared for bed. She said it was so she would know if G was coming into her bedroom in the middle of the night to "mess with" her. [He never did when I was there.]

We remained friends when Angie moved a little further away, to a house near some railroad tracks. (The unexpected assault of train noise in the middle of the night scared me to death!) We even remained friends when Angie moved to Texas, a couple of years later. When I was 16, I flew out to visit her and had a few memorable experiences:

*My first swim in the Gulf of Mexico
*My first time (and last, thank God) being "flashed" on a Houston street corner by a pervert in a passing car.
*Being repeatedly referred to as a "Yank"

As it is with many friendships from our pasts, this one faded away, and I didn't work hard enough to hold on to the remaining tethers. I haven't heard from Angie in 19 years. (I've tried to find her through Facebook, but have been unsuccessful.)

So, here's to old friends. Wherever you are, Angie, I hope you're smiling as big as you were in the cookie photo :)

From Whence They Come

This week, my 8th graders are doing "I am From" poems in my language arts class. (You might remember mine from a while back.) I really like them, because they always end up being so beautiful, poignant, and sometimes, powerful. The format of the poem is to write lines that begin with I am From and end with a list of things.

Each line focuses on a different topic (your house, your yard, your neighborhood, your family, things your family says all the time, meals special to your family, and places you keep your memories.)

Here are some excerpts from three different students' poems:

Home...
I am from a hyper mutt, my boots at the front door, a shotgun and a 22 leaning up against the wall in the corner.
I am from games, laundry, rugs, and jackets in the hall.
I am from drugs, alcohol, abuse, no mother, and dogs.

Yard...
I am from dog poop, snakes, a pond, woods, and wild animals.
I am from dog poop, moles, deer, bird feeders, bird baths, wood piles, and a pool.
I am from flowers, a lilac tree, bricks, and green grass.

Neighborhood...
I am from Serene Lane, the woods, cars, and a culdesac.
I am from country roads, a creek, and corn fields.
I am from fights, gang violence, tagging, hatred, cops, and jail. [Can you tell he's not from around here?]

Quotes...
I am from "Kill two birds with one stone," "Better safe than sorry," "Shut up!" "Fat-ass!" "Get out of my room!"
I am from "No; don't touch." "I told you so!" "When I was your age," and "What goes around comes around."
I am from "Don't cry! Crying is for little girls!" "Shut up!" and "You got suspended again?!"


I am from nowhere.


My goal now is to get them to face the future; where they are going. Maybe that's the next poem I should have them write...

Brotherly Love

Recently, Charlie wrote a descriptive paragraph about his little sister. It was so cute, I decided to share it.

I'm a brother to a little girl named A. As family member and a little sister, A is the best. She is only 2 1/2. She has blond, curly hair, and she is very cute. She says, "My mommy!" and screams like a horn. She smells like an angel, and her nickname is B. She rarely listens and follows the rules, and sometimes she bites and slaps. My feelings for her are love, caring, and overly-protective. I still love her, no matter what. If someone tried to hurt A in any way I would make sure that he or she would suffer for the rest of their lives. All in all, as a big brother, I think A is the best thing that has happened in my life.

This is the girl, who on most days, he says he "hates."

Focus on Lent

If you're a practicing Catholic, you know that Lent started last week and that this is a time to refocus on Christ's sacrifice and God's place in our lives. Catholics "give something up" with the premise that Christ did the same so long ago (when he spent 40 days in the desert) and that self-denial helps us connect with the suffering of Jesus when he died on the cross.

My church also teaches that some things distract us from our relationship with God; that there are some things we turn to for sustenance when in fact, God would prefer that we turn to him. Okay, okay, I get that, and yes, if I am truthful, I will admit that blogging is a big part of my sustenance. I hate that, because it makes me feel guilty, and I have this sneaking feeling that I should give up blogging for Lent. In order to stay in denial, however, I have firmly committed to doing something else that will bring me closer to God.

Instead of giving up blogging, chocolate, or something else that I love, I've decided to devote 30 minutes every day to focused prayer. I've also decided that at least 10 of those 30 minutes will include exercise, since I figure God is probably disappointed that I've taken this "temple" He gave me and turned it into a trash heap. (I don't think he will mind if I am also exercising while we are talking. After all, since many people are religious about going to the gym, He'll probably just be happy he has my attention.)

Okay, now for the part where I get a little more serious (don't worry; it's nothing over the top). I've come up with what I think is a great idea for helping all Christians stay focused on the "reason for the season" this Easter. And when I say "focused," that's a clue, because I'm inviting everyone to participate with me in a little photography experience. Since the season is about sacrifice, rebirth, and repentance, I invite you to look around your world in the next few weeks and find something to photograph that, for you, symbolizes these concepts. I've invited my kids and Mr.4444 to do the same, and I think they just might cooperate.

Put your photo(s) in a single post scheduled for Wednesday, March 18th. On that day, I will host a "show," if you will, of everyone's photos, setting up Mr.Linky to lead everyone through your corner of the "gallery." I've put a button in my sidebar for you to help spread the word. It will link to today's post (after I figure out how to make the code for it.) My hope is that our photos will help inspire conversation, thought, and just serve as little "shots" of reflection this season. Just think; you might even find a wonderful screen saver that inspires you. In the spirit of discovery (your own), I ask that your photos be original (taken by you or someone in your family) or that you at least credit the photographer when you post it. Also, will you please help spread the word to those who might be interested?

Have I missed anything?

What do you say?! Will you join me?

[Note: You need not be a Christian to participate. If you like taking photos, I invite you to join us in the spirit of spring! Instead of sacrifice or repentance, you could focus on spring or rebirth in general. All are welcome!]

My Idol, 70's Style

Remember this hottie? I sure do. His face was one of my favorite posters (along with Scott Baio, of course) on my bedroom wall, back in the day. I was inspired to do this "Where are they now?" post, having read this one at An Eagles's View. What girl didn't have a poster of some particular movie/tv star when she was a teen, and how many of you guys did NOT have a poster of Farrah Fawcett back then? (I know, I'm dating myself.)

Imagine my shock and dismay (just kidding) to find out where Leif is today (courtesy of Weht.net):
He has the infamous VH1: Behind The Music episode, of him having a car crash and paralyzing his best friend at age 17.

His career went downhill from there, and he got involved in drinking and drugs.

Today he's living in LA doing concerts and making songs with different bands. He still appears on tv shows and movies such as Suddenly Susan and Dickie Roberts Former Child Star.

He never married and does not have children.

Update Jan 18/06: Garrett, now aged 44,, seems to have continued along the well-traveled route from teen idol to drug addict. He was arrested in Los Angeles yesterday for not having a subway ticket and a subsequent search revealed he was in possession of narcotics, violating his probation for a March, 2005 conviction on possession of "cocaine based narcotics" (would that be crack?).

Update: May 12/2006: Garrett gets 90 days in jail and 3 years probation for quitting his rehab program.

Good thing my only heartthrob today is Mr.4444. Who was your teen idol?